


Q Stained Lips

by RusCanWonderland



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Drug Use, Illegal Activities, M/M, Murder, Prostitution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-01
Updated: 2014-02-23
Packaged: 2018-01-06 23:45:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1112928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RusCanWonderland/pseuds/RusCanWonderland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In this world there is an assigned life that you receive the moment you're pushed from the me will become doctors,some lawyers, some teachers and some will raise d some will even be assigned the job of prostitute, no love tthew had lived like that, had become numb to it. And then Ivan, drug-dealer,trapped in his job,forced him to look at his life closer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! We are Cat and Bee from RusCanWonderland on Tumblr.
> 
> Disclaimers, Notes & Warnings: We do not own Hetalia or characters within.
> 
> Warnings: prostitution, drug use, drugs, murder, illegal activity
> 
> Notes: Q is a drug extracted in a rather potent form from the mouths. The process is a reference to Repo! The Genetic Opera.

Beyond the gleam of bright city lights and glittering skyscrapers full of celebrities and wealthy elite lies the part of the city that used to be secret and dark and secluded. The once mysterious and alluring painted lights of the Red District that was once sparse and secretive, now gleamed every hour of the day and night on the outer bands of the city. There were some little villages of Red, pockets of underworld folk creeping on almost every corner where the street lights shone less and the alleys grew darker. The Red District was a desperate, velvety world that stretched its painted fingers anywhere it could reach just to try and get a little extra something.

But those that wander into the charming, sweet smelling streets of Red are welcomed by gentle hands and inviting smiles, eyes and faces perfectly painted with an array of looks and personalities that could suit anyone’s needs. The prostitutes that were the entire heartbeat of Red were both male and female, but were chameleons; masters of disguise and expert at lies. Raised since birth to be bedroom actors and pretty little companions to high paying clients, the prostitutes of Red could be anything anyone wanted them to be.

And in that sense; they tended to lose themselves.

Stepping out of squeaky back door that led into the infamous Satine Rouge Club, a prostitute that one would never be able to tell if it were male or female paused, a ghost white hand reaching down to fix the heel strap of a pair of slinky black pumps. The figure glanced each way along the wet alley before crossing into another building, a dormitory of sorts where the smell of perfume and incense was strong. The prostitute hurried up two flights of stairs before pushing into a room decorated in old newspaper clippings and magazine cut outs. 

Strawberry gold curls tumbled down a white neck as the figure readjusted in a lit vanity mirror, hands pushing at petite breasts that at closer inspection weren’t real and was only part of the costume that in seconds was being pulled off. A knock on the door didn’t startle the sole occupant of the room as a red outfit replaced the black.

“Long night, Mattie?”

Head tilting to offer a red little smile, Matthew straightened and moved like silk across his little room to sit in front of his vanity. “Of course, Toris, every night the same~” he hummed, sounding tired but purring every word he said. It was part of his make up, his mask and routine that kept him sane and alive.

Matthew wasn’t entirely sure if this is what he called living.

His room mate smiled in that understanding, sickeningly sweet way that Matthew swore would get Toris murdered one day before the brunet moved to bend and peer at his own reflection in the mirror.   
“Make sure to eat.”

“I can’t eat before sex, Toris. The Q will make me nauseous,” Matthew hummed as he reapplied mascara that made his blue eyes look even bigger, even wider and dare he say innocent. Matthew didn’t know if he was ever innocent but he figured if anyone could pretend to be, it was him. 

Toris didn’t say much else as he crawled into bed to rest after a day shift as Matthew touched up the rest of his face, his mask before he pulled open a tiny drawer and lifted out a small pill tin. The top was old, a faded picture of the rolling sea chipped and cracked as nimble fingers reached inside and dabbed at the velvety red powder on the inside. The drug was illegal, highly so, but it was the only thing that helped to put Matthew in a different state of mind while worked. 

He dabbed the drug on the inside of his bottom lip, the taste cringe worthy but he was used to it. It stained his teeth slightly pink until he took a swig of warm champagne that he had started on earlier in the evening before getting up and heading back across the street.

He smiled and laughed in the ears of patrons; he sat in laps and toyed his fingers down collars and didn’t stop hands that crept up his thighs or tugged at the cords holding his outfit together. He was used to their hands, their words, and with the drug infiltrating his mind and nerves, his responses became even more scripted and automatic. Q didn’t last long, just long enough for a heated encounter in one of the back rooms before Matthew was swaying to hide limps as he draped himself on the bar, earning a sympathetic smile from the green eyed bartender.

“You okay, luv?”

“I’m fine,” Matthew smiled, sweet and passive as ever. “Do you have any spare cherries? The ones for the martinis?” 

The bartender smiled, slightly exasperated but not saying so as he bent to pull out a bowl of the ripe, sugared fruits. “Careful, don’t eat too fast.”

Matthew smiled as he plucked at the red fruit, shoulders slumping as he zoned out for a moment and attempted to ignore the world around him. 

A large figure was sitting in a corner beside the bar, a bottle of vodka and a shot glass in hand as he stared out, eyes sweeping over the dancers and prostitutes and all the pretty and slim figures of the night. His eyes were bright violet and his silver hair was slightly unkempt, rarely seeing the treatment of a comb. He wore a thick beige coat, ratty and old, but his shirt and slacks beneath were nice, his black gloves smooth and skin tight against his fingers and palms. It was obvious that he belonged deeper beneath the dirtier section of the city than the Red District, but it was difficult to assess exactly what he did. 

His stature was obviously great enough that he could be a gun for hire, but his eyes were sharp with an intelligence that was cunning and cold. His eyes caught sight of Matthew at the bar and he assessed the slender frame with pants and shirt practically tied and painted onto his body. 

That one would do.

The man stood and walked over, leaning over and whispering in blonde hair, smelling the wafting scent of Q powder masked only slightly by sweat and perfume. “I need an alibi.” He murmured, voice low and thickly accented.

Matthew sat up straighter, his red tinted fingers pulling slowly from between his lips as he tilted his head to peer at the man. He rose an eyebrow, an automatic smirk spreading over his mouth as his eyelids lowered and his neck craned in order to whisper in the stranger’s ear.

“And you want me to help you, sweet heart? Are you sure I’m the right,…fit?” he asked, voice purring as he trickled fingertips in fleeting touches down the man’s chest before pulling away. His gaze moved over the man, head to toe, and Matthew couldn’t say he was disappointed; he wasn’t ugly or poorly dressed, so perhaps the man had money.

And that was one thing Matthew needed before he was arrested for lack of paying his taxes and fines; money.

The man nodded. “Yes. Come on.” His hand was large and firm, grasping hold of the blonde’s arm. “Need anything?” He asked. “If not, you’re coming now, so say it now.”

“Yes,” he immediately murmured, pulling his arm away. Instead, he coiled his hand in the stranger’s before pulling him through the crowds and smoke, tossing smiles and little flirtatious kisses at regulars and friends. He tugged the man outside and across the street, telling him to wait against the wall before hurrying upstairs.

“Toris…Jesus, get up,” he muttered at his roommate, his fingers flying as he gathered a bag with a couple things of clothes and making sure he grabbed what he had left of his Q. He didn’t have much, but he’d attempt to make it last as he tugged what could be considered a jacket on and fixed his hair,…well…attempted to anyway.

The brunet sat up, sleepy and groggy as he peered over at the blonde, waiting for him to explain the sudden urgency. “I’m going with a client. An alibi gig,” Matthew hummed, sliding a few more things in the bag before giving the other male a smile.

“Be careful, okay?”

Matthew waved him off, not concerned in the slightest before heading back downstairs and taking a deep breath. He stepped out and tossed the stranger a smile, flirty and sweet. “Sorry…”

The man grunted and nodded, dragging Matthew down the alley and to a car, a compact, silver thing that was conservative and casual, something that blended nicely in with every layer of the city. He shoved the blonde into the car and slammed the door shut before he got in on his side, buckling in and starting the engine. “What’s your name? Your real name, not your stage.” The older male’s tone was calm but strict and demanded a propmt answer. He wasn’t someone to dance around a topic. “And tell me those lips are makeup.”

The man didn’t honestly care, but he didn’t want to have to keep a careful eye on his stores.

Matthew smirked as he tilted his head to peer out of the window, a finger coming up to his mouth to run on the red tint he knew was on his lips. “I don’t want to lie to you this early on, darling, so no. They aren’t makeup,” he told him, not proud of it, but not one to be ashamed.

People took Q for reasons and rarely for pleasure, Matthew was just another user in the crowd. “And I’m Matthew…though you can call me whatever you want,” he purred softly, head tilting into his palm so he could easily cradle his cheek and peer at the man beside him.

“Matvey, alright.” The man flicked his blinker on. He was a careful driver for a reason, not suspiciously careful, but careful enough that police officers rarely looked at him twice. “Age?” He turned into a mall area. “You need clothes to cover that barcode, come on.”

The mall was crowded and it was difficult to find a parking space but Ivan managed it, closing the door and opening Matthew’s. “Come on.”

The older male led Matthew through the mall, finding decent clothes, skinny jeans and nice sweaters and even a pair of false glasses for the blonde, building up an image and talking with Matthew as they went. 

“Your name is Matthew Williams, you’ve been studying literature, but are taking a year off of college before you graduate to relax. You and I have been dating for six months, you’ve been living with me for three.” The older male shoved a pile of clothes at the blonde and ushered him into a changing room. “Try these on.” As he leaned against the door he continued to speak, the nearly empty store giving relative privacy. “I’m a pharmacist in a small drug store, you don’t know the location, but I usually work from one to nine p.m. and don’t get home until around ten. Are you decent in there?” The man turned and called, frowning as he listened to movement.  
Matthew rolled his eyes as he listened through the door to the man leaning against it. He seemed to have the story pretty fabricated, pretty full of details and believability, that it led him to believe he had been thinking about it for a while. Either that, or he was just a number in a long list of other alibi’s. 

He slid into a pair of dark, smoky gray jeans before pulling a creamy sweater over his head. He never really dressed this covered up and it felt strange not to see glimpses and peeks of his own bare skin, but he figured he’d easily get used to it. Whatever the part required, right? 

He shifted to peer at himself before reaching for the bag that housed his faux glasses. They made his nose feel a little uncomfortable, but they did seem to finish the appearance off nicely. Innocent, mousy, quiet and sweet as sugar.Boring.

Opening the door, Matthew peered at the man, giving him a sweet little smile. He took a step out, doing a little turn before hunching his shoulders and ducking his head like a timid little shrew. In a moment, he sat up a little straighter, more natural and flirtatious as he grinned at him. “Sweet enough for you….?” a little frown spread over his lips a moment before he leaned forward slightly. 

Ivan gave a snort and lifted Matthew’s chin with his finger. “Stand straight, don’t slouch, it’s unseemly.” The man looked over the blonde, ruffled his curls slightly before giving a nod. “Good, get changed and we’ll pay for those.”

Rolling his eyes, Matthew bat the man’s hand away with a huffy little pout before slipping into the dressing room and taking everything off and redressing. He sighed as he tucked a curl behind his ear and rubbed at his lips. It was strange being away from his usual routine and he hated that it was something he’d have to get used to, for now. 

He doubted this would last long. Sighing, he gathered the clothes over his arm before exiting the room, not even waiting for the man to walk with him before he moved back onto the sales floor or the store. They paid for the items and Ivan had Matthew dress in his new clothes in the bathroom before they left, the two getting into his car before driving back towards the Red District. 

And then further. 

The townhouse was relatively nice as far as houses in Skid Row went. There was a basement, two stories, one bedroom and a bathroom, with a living room and mudroom on the bottom floor. Ivan parked his car in a back garage and led Matthew into the house, tapping on the door to the basement. “This door remains closed at all times. I don’t give a shit. If I’m in there, you will not open that door, if I’m not in there you will not open that door, you open that door and I will break your arm, do you understand?” His eyes were firm and cold and threatening more than broken bones as the man looked down at the prostitute. 

Matthew was silent for a moment before he smiled at the man, sweet and a little dark. “There’s no need for threats, darling~” he cooed, leaning to pat the man’s arm as he wandered from him. “Keep your secrets, sweetheart, it’s not my job to judge you or to pry.” Truth was, Matthew was only slightly intrigued. He figured it had to just be something illegal, something that sparked the need for Matthew to be an alibi here in in the first place.

“Good.” Ivan turned and led Matthew through the kitchen. “I won’t be here most of the day, so if you don’t know how to cook order a pizza or something, I’ll leave money for groceries and food, if you buy anything you will put the reciept in the jar where the money is.” The man rattled said jar, which had a few bills, a few coins, before resting it back on it’s place on the counter. “I’ll pay you per week, you should be here only a month or so, depending on how long the police are on my ass.” The older male turned to nod at Matthew. “Upstairs are a few things that previous alibis left behind, if you don’t like something they left, throw it out, if you do, it’s yours.”

Matthew plastered a smile on his face as he peered at some of the electronics in the kitchen; all fairly normal but nice. He didn’t know how to cook a lot, he never had been taught, but the idea intrigued him. He didn’t think that experimenting in a client’s house where the potential to set fire to it was a good idea so he figured he’d most likely chicken out and go the pizza route. Or frozen foods. The prostitute hummed a teasing “How generous of you~” as he trailed a finger on the rim of the money jar, his head tilting back to peer at the taller male. “It’s funny, sugar, but you still have forgotten to tell me what I am exactly supposed to call you…”

The man raised an eyebrow before he spoke. “Ivan. Ivan Braginski.” The man didn’t offer his hand but he did offer a small nod and a slight smile. “Make yourself at home, this is a long term contract.”

Standing quiet for a moment, Matthew hummed before slowly approaching Ivan, cautious but open. He had learned through experience that especially men were different, sometimes temperamental and each one had the potential to react differently. He had been on their angrier sides before and they were dark places Matthew wished to never revisit if he could help it. He teasingly, but lightly, slid his fingers against the man’s arm, his body shifting close enough to feel Ivan’s body heat. “You know…if there’s anything I can do…anything at all to repay you for being so generous, just just have to let me know, right?”

Ivan’s eyebrow arched and he sneered. “I’d be lying if I hadn’t thought about it.” He hand grasped Matthew’s wrist and tugged it away. “But I know better that you people are as scripted as a soap opera.” He gave the delicate bone a light squeeze before he released Matthew. “I have to go to the police station, there might be someone hanging out around here while I’m gone. Don’t let them in without a warrant and don’t burn the house down.” The man shoved Matthew away lightly, turning and walking out the back door again. “I’ll be back around eight if I can make it.”


	2. Chapter 2

In the past week Ivan had not done anything to Matthew. 

They shared a bed because neither one would sleep on the couch, but Ivan didn’t even sleep facing Matthew. His back was firmly turned to the blonde, his pants and sleep shirt secure on his body throughout the night, and if Matthew approached him his head would snap around to half-consciously assess the blonde before returning back to sleep. He fed Matthew, bought him grooming supplies, gave him access to movies and books and directed him on where to go for anything else he might need to entertain himself. And at the end of the week the blonde was paid a rather handsome sum. The older male didn’t become any warmer after that first week, and the nature of his work remained a mystery, as he usually made sure to lock the kitchen whenever he was maneuvering supplies and such into the basement.

Matthew could say two things about his experience living under Ivan’s roof for a week: he hated it and he enjoyed it. His enjoyment came from the fact that he had time now to read (as slow as he was at it, which he only in this house realized just how terrible of a reader he was) and look at pictures in magazines of different places and cultures that seemed to be a whole lot better than his own. He enjoyed movies and listening to music on the radio while he soaked in baths for hours at a time. He had nowhere to be…no one to please.

And that is why he was starting to hate it. A prostitute’s life revolved around the pleasure of others. If he wasn’t pleasing anyone (which the only pleasing he was doing was staying out of Ivan’s way) he was virtually useless and empty. His skin flushed at times and itched and he felt all sorts of moods hit him at once when his natural, everyday intake of Q had slowed down. Without sex, he didn’t need it, and without money, he couldn’t replenish his little stash. So the amount of Q he had left he attempted to save.

A few times when Ivan was gone for hours, or down in his secret little basement, Matthew would dip the tip of his pinky finger in the supply he had, just to taste it and to get his nerves and trembles to calm if only for a little while. He’d sleep the little relapses off as best he could but it was strange being so close to another person but virtually being ignored. He hated that sometimes he’d wake up and his nose would be awfully close to Ivan’s back and his knees would just barely be brushing the back of the man’s thighs, and he’d pine after the feel of his warmth desperately. More than once had the act of pulling away, turning over and scooting as far from the other male as possible, caused his throat to clench and his eyes to burn.

He couldn’t explain it and found himself pathetic for it. Matthew wanted to ask him if he had done something to upset him, but then again he had acted like this since day one; generous and silently kind but not outwardly showing it. Perhaps that was the point and Matthew was too stupid, too uneducated to catch on. But he had an inkling feeling that that wasn’t the case at all. 

Placing the book he had given up reading about half an hour ago into his lap, Matthew tilted his head to where he could see Ivan in the kitchen concentrating on something. He didn’t bother asking or inquiring, figuring he wouldn’t get an answer even if whatever the man was doing was completely innocent.

Ivan tapped out the bulb syringe’s end into the small vial, depositing the slightly moist powder of the Q. He needed to get these out and his basement wasn’t sterile enough for it at the moment. His gloved hands moved with a quiet efficiency, depositing exactly four ounces per small glass vial and then spreading out the powder in small altoids tins, managing to coat the bottom evenly as he did so. 

He prided himself on being one of the best Q suppliers in the state, if not the entire Eastern coast of the United States. His Q was potent, refined and had a distinct almost black hue to the more compact clumps of the drug. Once he had snapped the last tin shut he began to organize the tins and vials into the pockets of his coat, counting out a wad of bills and slipping it into the food jar, he didn’t bother cleaning up, he was already behind schedule and had probably lost a few clients already. He could clean up when he got back. “Going out.” He called. “Don’t touch anything on the counter.” The man ordered before he closed the door and the sound of his car pulling out could be heard.

Rolling his eyes lightly, Matthew exchanged the book that rested against his bare knees for a bright, house and home type of magazine. He liked them best because he remembered being little and stealing magazines from the laundromat or doctors office and circling things he liked or imagined having in his dream house that he’d obviously have someday. Now, he knew, that without a doubt that sort of thing doesn’t happen and it was terrible to have to grow up and face that fact. 

Sighing, he flipped a page and blinked down at a recipe for the “easiest cookie recipe even a child could do it”. A careful inspection of the instructions had Matthew feeling confident that perhaps he could follow them and make something that he could be childishly proud of and then devour the hell out of them later. Getting up, he padded into the kitchen, barefeet virtually silent as he concentrated on the glossy paper and began to check cabinets and the refrigerator for the required ingredients. To his delight, Ivan seemed to have everything needed to make the little desert, so Matthew set about collecting milk and eggs to place on the counter.

“Oh..that’s right,” he mumbled, realizing Ivan had asked him not to touch said counter. Frowning, Matthew placed down the jug of milk he was holding and crept closer to the remnants of what Ivan had been doing before he left. To Matthew’s untrained eye, it looked more like a kid’s chemistry set left haphazardly all over the place…but that smell.

Matthew’s senses flared as his eyes scanned every single empty container and tool, not finding a single trace of what he knew must have been there. Suddenly, it clicked. He breathed out a little scoff as he shook his head. “That bastard…a damn dealer…he has to be,” he mumbled, his head tilting in the direction of the basement door.

Perhaps…

Creeping forward across the tile, Matthew came to a stop just in front of the simple white door. He couldn’t smell a thing….nothing out of the ordinary, but whatever Ivan was hiding had to do with Q. All dealers had a supply…and if this was where he kept his stash…

His mouth suddenly watered as he reached out shaky fingers to touch the cool brass of the door handle. Matthew hesitated before giving the knob a turn but nothing happened, in fact, it didn’t move at all. It was locked.

Huffing, Matthew turned, leaving the locked door and angrily trying to concentrate on the innocent task he had originally set out to do. But the thought that Q had been in this house the entire time….that the smell of it was suddenly so potent in the air that he could taste it…it had Matthew shaken up. 

When Ivan returned it was to the smell of cookies and the first thing that flew through his mind was that he prayed to god that the Q residue hadn’t contaminated the damn things. He found Matthew in the living room and raised an eyebrow at the blonde. “You made cookies?”

“Surprised? Me too,” Matthew hummed softly, his back against the couch as he sat on the floor, one of the little treats half eaten in his chocolate stained fingers. He let out a tiny groan as he touched his forehead to his bent knees and breathed, not exactly wanting to deal with Ivan’s scrutiny. Not now. 

Ivan’s eyes narrowed slightly before he hummed and nodded. “I’ll clean up, I suppose.” The older male returned to the kitchen and began the task of cleaning up his own set before be started on the task of cleaning up the cookie remains. He wondered briefly if Matthew had realized what exactly had been in the set, but since the younger hadn’t mentioned anything assumed that either he hadn’t cared or he hadn’t noticed.

After a few moments of listening to Ivan bustling about and the water running in the sink, Matthew stood. His posture was slightly off and his steps were graceful but full of an unnecessary sway that had his hips doing their best belly dancer impression as he moved closer to the kitchen and slumped lightly against the door frame; like a feline watching everything Ivan did.

“You know….the Red could use a good, tall…muscular man like you. We have desperate ladies coming in all the time looking for specific types…and there just aren’t that many men around to fulfill their needs. I think you’d be good at it…considering you have the lying part already down pat.”

“Hmmm, I haven’t lied to you.” Ivan raised an eyebrow, eyes sweeping generously over Matthew before he turned back to his task. “What gives you the impression that I have?”

“You’re right,” Matthew hummed in return, sauntering closer to him, a finger tainted in chocolate coming up to swipe at his red lips, “you haven’t….but you must know you’re awfully good at hiding things…that’s also a good quality for all prostitute’s to have, but I’m sure you know that, don’t you, darling?” he asked, a little smile quirking up the corner of his lips as he leaned against the counter beside the taller male. “I have to ask…how long did you think it’d take me…for me to figure it out?”

Ivan hummed and raised an eyebrow. “Honestly? Faster than your predecessors. They weren’t as much of junkies as you, so it took them between two weeks and a month each to figure it out. About the time they found out about the Q it was already time for them to leave.” Ivan shrugged. “I had hoped that you simply weren’t as nosy as you seemed. My mistake.”

Matthew glared, eyes darkening as he tilted his head to face the man more. “I’m not nosy, you asshole. You left it all over the damn counter. And if you knew I was such a “junkie” then don’t you think I would’ve noticed?” he bit, eyes hard as he looked away. 

“Considering you avoid the kitchen, I hadn’t thought that tonight of all nights was the one you stepped in.” Ivan finished washing the supplies that Matthew had used before he put them away, shaking off droplets of water lazily as he did so. The older male turned and looked over Matthew before he spoke. “What do you want?”

Glaring hard at the man for a moment, Matthew tilted his head away suddenly with a soft, pretty little smile. “I don’t want anything,” he purred as he pushed off of the counter and sauntered out of the kitchen. 

Ivan snorted at that. “Bullshit.” He murmured before he turned and tucked his set into the basement quickly, locking up the door and making his way to the bedroom. “Statement still stands, you go into that room and I’ll break your arm.

Sighing, Matthew followed the man slowly up the stairs to the bedroom. He peered in for a moment at Ivan, his eyes sweeping the man over from head to toe, before he bit his lip. Coming onto a man that clearly didn’t want you was ballsy and stupid and could end in violence which Matthew would be ruined forever if it got too bad. He had to have control of a situation to feel most comfortable, but with Ivan…that wasn’t an option. Matthew moved to the corner of the room where he kept his little bag, his fingers fumbling into the depths to pull out his little tin with the faded sea on top. 

He should save it…what if one day he needed it…? Sighing angrily he snapped it closed and stood, reaching for the pajamas Ivan had bought him. He didn’t care for decency usually, and that was no different around Ivan. Slowly he undressed and redressed, eyes tilting slightly over his shoulder to peer at the other male.

Ivan was rubbing his neck, sitting on the edge of the bed and massaging out knots from his neck and shoulders, his finger brushing over tattoos of text or drawings of abstract things. His pants were unbuttoned and he was in the process of untying his boots before he just kicked them off with some effort, laying back on the bed with a groan as he rubbed at his biceps and shoulders and neck. Everything ached from an encounter with one particularly desperate little druggie that had pulled out a mace on him. There were a few bruises on his shoulders, but other than that ache he was fine. Eyes closed the older male breathed deeply, too injured to make an effort to roll onto his side for the night.

Raising an eyebrow, Matthew swept his eyes over Ivan’s form. The man was attractive, Matthew couldn’t lie about that one, but he was just a client and it wasn’t his place to tell Ivan so. Still…he could quietly appreciate him as his eyes lingered just where he could see the dull shine of Ivan’s unbuttoned pants before he noticed that he seemed to be in pain. He frowned and turned to adjust the little sleeping shorts over his thin hips, before getting an idea. 

Quietly, he padded across the plush carpet, expression softening into a gentle, sweet, almost nurturing look that clearly screamed he cared and was concerned. With little noise he crawled onto the bed and sat on his knees, the bare skin of his kneecaps brushing the strands of hair on the back of Ivan’s head. Gently, he placed cool, pale fingers on the man’s temples and began to rub carefully and sweetly. All prostitutes, especially those that lived and worked at Satine Rouge Club all knew how to do many things to a client’s body, including massages. He could play Ivan’s little game and keep his hands above his shoulders, but if Matthew had it his way, the man would be begging him for more and not the other way around.

Ivan’s eyes scrunched for a moment before he pried them open, raising an eyebrow at the blonde. “What are you doing?” He sounded exhausted and really he didn’t know what Matthew was planning, but he wasn’t about to be manipulated by the blonde. Though the rubbing felt good and he sighed, letting his eyes slip closed as he felt fingers rub at his temples, shifting through the strands of his hair nicely. Maybe if he refused to react the blonde would give up.

“What does it look like I’m doing? You’re a smart man, aren’t you?” he hummed, Matthew’s eyes softening as he watched the man stubbornly attempt to not give in to what his fingers were doing. “Now don’t get your little panties in a twist, I’m only trying to be nice. I could be massaging a little lower,” he hummed with a playful little smile as he shifted his fingers through Ivan’s hair. “Were you hurt today?” he asked with a worried little voice, the tips of his fingers barely brushing Ivan’s jugular as he worked at the tense muscles in the back of his neck.

Ivan groaned at the gentle but firm ministrations to the back of his neck, eyes trying to open only to flutter closed again without his volition. “Mhm… Some cocky little shit… Pulled a mace on me when I didn’t give him more than he paid for.” The man yawned but didn’t try to move away from Matthew’s hands, breathing more deeply as his limbs tingled with leaden exhaustion. It felt nice to be treated gently. Even though he had learned his lesson with the previous prostitutes that had entered his home.

“Are you hurt more than you let on?” Matthew asked, a real hint of genuine concern lacing his voice as his fingers paused in their movements. He didn’t know…why exactly he was really worried about the client before him, but he was and it bothered him. “Maybe you should…get some rest..or take a hot bath to relax your muscles,” he mumbled, his hands pulling away. 

A frown pulled at his mouth as Matthew peered anywhere but at the man in front of his knees. What the hell was the matter with him?

Ivan shook his head. “No… I’ll be staying in tomorrow, I have a friend on distribution duty for tomorrow… I just need some rest.” He didn’t know why he was trying to placate the worries of the blonde. In all honesty he probably should have told him that it wasn’t any of his business. But that was the thing, wasn’t it? Ivan liked the company, liked having someone concerned over him, even if it was all a farce. It hurt, of course, to know that Matthew probably didn’t care and was only feigning concern for the sake of getting a chance at more money… Still, it was nice to have someone that felt concern over him.

“Then..,” he started, still angry and confused at just why he was feeling this way before he clambered off the bed and breezed into the open door to the adjoining bathroom. In a few moments, he was coming back with a small glass of water, and a bottle of aspirin he had found in the cabinet. He wasn’t exactly…sure what the medicine would do, if it would work right or not, but hell, he wasn’t going to listen to Ivan groan in pain all night. That’s what he told himself as he gently situated himself beside the man and nudged his side lightly.

“Here, take this. Maybe it’ll make you feel better when you sleep.”

Ivan took the pill, looking it over and checking it before he took the pill and downed the glass of water, eyes closing after a moment before he hauled himself onto his side, deciding that was a bad idea before laying down on his stomach. “Thank you.” He murmured, already drifting somewhere between sleep and reality.

“You’re welcome,” Matthew murmured quietly before he turned the light off and situated himself on his side of the bed. It seemed to not matter how long he laid there, his body refused to fall asleep. The stubborn part of his brain tried to convince himself that it was because his body was starting to feel the side effects from not taking Q as regularly as he had been, but a strange…need to make sure Ivan was okay gnawed annoyingly at his subconscious.

Shifting onto his side, Matthew hesitated for a moment before moving a little bit closer to the sleeping form. He watched the rise and fall of Ivan’s shoulders, the slightly uncomfortable curl in his lip still there as he slept. Tentatively, he extended his hand and gently brushed his fingers through Ivan’s hair, careful and soft, not wanting to disturb him. He wasn’t exactly sure how long he continued this gentle touching, but he didn’t realize when he fell asleep, his fingers still laced lightly with Ivan’s hair.


	3. Chapter 3

Ivan curled against Matthew, his body moving close to the source of comforting warmth in the night, and when the alarm clock went off as per usual the man simply turned it off on rote before he returned to curling his arm around the slim frame, subconsciously pulling the blonde close as he continued to sleep off the assault from the previous day.

Matthew didn’t even hear the alarm, his arms only simply curling around the other male, his hands gentle and almost protective as he held him close and tucked his head against Ivan’s. He wasn’t exactly a good sleeper, the time that Matthew got to rest during his normal life was few and in between, but with Ivan…right now, it was easy. It was nice. When light extended further across the wrinkled sheets of the bed, hot and bright on his exposed skin, Matthew finally blinked awake. It was hard to convince his body to pull back as he tilted his head to watch the contours of Ivan’s face, a reality hitting him harshly square in the chest.

He was…a little bit fond of Ivan. And the worry he had felt the night before was real and raw.

It was another hour before Ivan was stretching and yawning awake, a sharp cracking noise escaping his back and shoulders. He let out a curse at the jolts of pain, but after a moment of laying bonelessly on the bed he straightened and began to get dressed into more comfortable clothes. A pair of jeans and a tee shirt were pulled on, the man running a hand through his hair as he yawned and stumbled down the stairs to the kitchen. 

Matthew watched quietly as he left the room, the bed feeling instantly cooler and ten times more empty than it really should feel. He sighed after a moment and sat up, his fingers reaching to slowly pull off his clothes as he stepped into the shower. He made the water as hot as he could get it, a frown firmly finding its way onto his mouth as he watched the water run between his toes. You’re a professional he told himself, reaching for the soap he had been given as he began to scrub at his pink tinted skin. And it doesn’t matter what you feel, it’s all a big game and the worst part is you know it. 

Matthew’s scrubbing paused as he let out a little sigh, anger and frustration lifting off of him as his shoulders slumped. He leaned his wet head against the tiles on the wall and closed his eyes. He didn’t understand why this was happening…why this particular client was making this so difficult for him. If he didn’t need the money he’d just leave…but if he didn’t clear his outstanding debt he could be arrested…or worse kicked out of the Satine Rouge. He couldn’t afford to become a street walker…it was dangerous, ten times more dangerous than what he already did. 

He just had to learn to turn off this…fondness towards the dealer downstairs. Ivan didn’t care about him, and Matthew shouldn’t care about Ivan. But that was the worst part…

By the time Matthew was downstairs Ivan was making pancakes, a frypan of eggs and bacon on the stove and a small griddle set up for the pancakes themselves as the man flipped the treats easily before depositing the finished product on two plates. The man looked up when Matthew leaned against the doorframe and he nodded to the counter where the Q had been set up the previous night. “There’s coffee in the pot.”

Nodding his thanks and understanding, Matthew wandered from the doorframe to the cupboard to pluck himself out a glass. He didn’t particularly like coffee, and every time he had had the drink, some sort of Q was lingering in his system and the caffeine didn’t seem to mix well with him. Even if he wasn’t in the middle of a hit, he still didn’t trust his stomach around the hot drink, so instead he settled for water and selected the plate that looked to have the smaller of the pancakes on it. 

He settled with one leg curled underneath his bottom on a chair in the dining room and doused the hot little cakes in syrup to satisfy the sweet tooth he attempted to deny he had. He ate in small bites but at a slightly swifter pace than a normal person, a technique most people like him had developed to be able to eat in small amounts of time. Matthew knew he had all the time in the world, but it was a habit, like lying and acting, and it was hard to break. 

Ivan settled with his own mug of coffee across from Matthew, taking his time to eat his own meal, silent but not in a hostile way. It had become obvious it the last week that Ivan simply wasn’t one to talk unnecessarily. He’d say his piece and then remain silent for the rest of the time, as he didn’t see the point in wasting words. But even though he didn’t talk it was obvious that he enjoyed company. Perhaps it came with being a dealer, that he was used to everyone being on his schedule, that he took his time to savor his meal, took his time in everything he did. 

Matthew ate what he could before he was finding himself pushing around eggs and pieces of pancake as he sighed almost forlornly. He hated wasting food…or attempting to save it for later. There usually was no “later” and therefore his half eaten meals would go to Toris or some other occupant of their dorm. But here, he could do that. 

Standing, he gathered his plate and cup and moved into the kitchen and slid his leftovers into the fridge. He didn’t exactly want to settle on the couch with another book he couldn’t read, or re watch some stupid reality show on the TV, so he figured he could pay back the favor for Ivan cleaning up after his cookie experiment and clean up the things the man used to make breakfast. 

After a few minutes Ivan sighed and finished off his meal, leaning back and watching Matthew for a few moments before he spoke up. “Do you want to go to the movies?”

Pausing in cleaning off a spatula, Matthew bit his lip, his curls hiding his expression for a moment before he plastered a smile that was playful and inquisitive on his face. “You know it’s not required for you to take me on pretend dates, Ivan~” he hummed before flipping off the water and reaching for a towel to dry his hands. 

“Who said it was a date? I’m not used to staying home all day and I’ve been meaning to go see Cabin in The Woods.” The older male chuckled. “And it’s rather dull to go to the movies alone.”

Matthew bit the inside of his lip before he smiled at Ivan and placed down the towel. “Of course it isn’t a real date, darling, I wouldn’t want to insult you with that, but if any of your Badge friends see you and I together, of course they’re going to assume,” he hummed, using the slang most prostitutes used for the police. He waved his hand to signal he was just joking as he breezed past Ivan and headed upstairs to pull on something better to wear. “Sounds fun, I guess~”

“If I was worried about the police seeing me with you why would I have taken you as an alibi in the first place?” Ivan asked as he raised an eyebrow at the blonde, watching him leave before rolling his eyes and leaning back in his chair to wait for Matthew. 

—

The theater was relatively empty, as the movie had already been out for about a month. They had indulged Matthew’s sweet tooth with a bag of some form of chocolate candy and Ivan had a tub of popcorn settled between his knees as he leaned back and watched the opening advertisements, hands folded over his chest as he watched the lights dim slowly around them.

The film was a horror, but started out with a rather clean and clinical environment, panning over to the teenagers who were the focus of the entire story. After the first fifteen minutes, however, the film started to take a turn for the dark. Ivan glanced over at Matthew after a few minutes into the first intense scene, which was broken by the observers of the main characters. The scene where one of the main characters was dared to “make out with that moose head” had Ivan chuckling and shaking his head in amusement at the young and foolish.

Matthew wasn’t exactly a fan of horror movies. He didn’t like being scared and had managed to sink just a little bit lower into his seat in order to more easily cope. The scene that he head Ivan chuckling quietly at had Matthew’s nose wrinkling and he tilted his head to peer at Ivan. He shifted slightly closer and leaned so he could easily whisper near his shoulder. “That looks familiar…and it is not a pleasant experience,” he teased, referring to one customer or another that could’ve very well been a “stuffed”, “emotionless” animal. 

“I suppose I can’t be led to believe that you would appreciate being young and stupid?” Ivan asked after a moment. When the trap door in the film slammed open and Matthew jumped the older male sighed and lifted the armrest that separated their seats, wrapping his arm around Matthew’s shoulder and pulling the blonde to his chest. “It’s just a movie.”

“It doesn’t matter,” he argued back, a huff and a tiny whine evident in his voice as he pressed his face to Ivan’s side. He attempted to pull away after a moment, batting at the arm on his shoulder. He could dish out fake touches and emotions but damnit he wasn’t about to receive the treatment back. Matthew’s legs curled into the seat and when another loud sound emanated from the movie, he buried his face in his hands, content to stay there and wait it out until it was over. 

They spent the movie with a repeat of this routine, everytime something frightening or gorey happened on screen, Matthew would hide in Ivan’s chest and the man would hold him more tightly until the scene passed and he could gently rub at thin shoulders, reassuring that the scene had ended. 

By the end, when all of the monsters were unleashed and wreaking havoc on the company orchestrating everything, Matthew was halfway in Ivan’s lap and the popcorn and chocolate had become forgotten in the seat on the other side of Ivan. The older male had Matthew’s head tucked beneath his chin and his arms wrapped protectively around the blonde, keeping him close and silently watching the movie as it wound down to the last hurrah. 

Matthew had given up on trying to be independent and brave during the movie. He was scared and he knew it, so he took up what Ivan was offering. He tucked his face against the man’s pulse, his hands wound so tightly in Ivan’s shirt his knuckles were white. He had lessened in shaking and jumping and simply tucked his head and covered his ears, content to press to the man in order to feel safe. He didn’t cry, though that stupid clenching in his throat still hadn’t left when the credits began to roll and the lights slowly came back on. 

Ivan didn’t move for a while, frowning as he rubbed Matthew’s shoulders. “It’s just a movie, Matvey…. It isn’t real.” He murmured, large hands warm and gentle as they pressed to tense shoulders. 

“You don’t…you don’t know that,” he argued back, voice slightly watery as he slowly raised his head and brought his painted fingers up to rub at his eyes. He made sure to give the man a solid, harsh pout before he turned his head, watching some of the movie theater workers coming in with brooms and pans. He cautiously removed himself from Ivan’s lap, almost checking to make sure the floor would stay solid and no blood stained fingers would reach out and grab his ankles before Matthew let out a breath and a nod that was to convince himself that everything was alright.

Ivan frowned at how shaken the blonde seemed, gently taking his hand and leading him through the theater back to the front. But instead of going to the parking lot, the older male led Matthew to the ticket line again, standing in front of a teller and nodding to Matthew. “Choose a movie you want to see.” He murmured with no further explanation.”

Matthew’s eyebrows knit in confusion as he peered at Ivan suspiciously. He wasn’t exactly sure what he was up to but…Matthew wasn’t sure if he wanted to know. Pursing his lips, he glanced around, finding it easier to look at the different movie posters and displays scattered around the lobby. The display of a girl with fiery red hair, holding a bow and surrounded in green lush caught his eye and he pointed, nodding his head confidently. “That one. I want to see Brave.”

Ivan smiled and nodded, handing over the money to pay for the tickets before leading Matthew back into the theater. 

The routine was repeated, having forgotten their snacks in the previous room, and the woman behind the counter gave them an indulgent smile as Matthew asked for more food than previously, Ivan paying without question and leading the blonde back to the other theater. This time the theater was a little bit more crowded, a few more children being present, and the commercials were geared towards a younger audience. As they sat down, Ivan lifted the armrest again and pulled Matthew close, despite there being no need to do so. 

He leaned down and murmured close to the younger male’s ear, “I’m sorry, I didn’t think you’d be so scared.” Before the movie began to play on the screen and the two settled back more comfortably.  
Matthew wanted to respond to him, to tell him that it was okay, he hadn’t realized it was a horror movie to begin with and even if he did know, he wasn’t about ready to admit he was scared of it. 

Despite himself, he curled his feet up off the floor (not exactly trusting those dark spaces yet…) and snuggled close to Ivan’s side. He nibbled on pieces of red licorice and sugar coated gummies as he watched, completely absorbed in the film just like any other child there. He jumped at the appropriate parts and leaned forward when situations that were confusing were suddenly made clear. He was entirely involved from start to finish, and as the movie met its climax, Matthew had to tuck his head to pretend like he wasn’t getting slightly emotional from the sweet ending. Without thinking, he wound his fingers around Ivan’s and held onto him, a little satisfied sigh leaving his parted lips when the credits rolled and the lights came back on.

Ivan smiled and when they were leaving, the older male tilted his head. “You liked that?”

“I loved it,” he cooed back, a smile genuine and real on his face as he subconsciously curled his arm around Ivan’s. They were half way to the car before Matthew realized what he was doing and pulled away with a little laugh, his hands shoving into his jacket pockets. As they rode in the car, he licked his lips a little nervously before he glanced at Ivan and then back out of the window.

“It uhm..it wasn’t your fault..about the scary movie earlier, okay? I didn’t know it was going to be like that so…really, I should be the one saying sorry for acting like an idiot,” he mumbled, lips twisted into a little pout. He sounded unsure of himself and timid and Matthew didn’t like that….he was brought up to be confident and bold in all that he said and did. But with Ivan…as of late…he just…he couldn’t find the fire he so dearly tried to protect.

“Still, I didn’t want to make the outing unpleasant. You’d been stuck in my house for a week.” Ivan smiled and when they arrived the older male opened the door and smiled at the blonde gently. “Do you want to go anywhere else today?”

“You’ve done enough spoiling for one day. We’re home now,” Matthew chided lighlty, giving Ivan a little smile as he wandered inside and tilted his head so the man couldn’t see his face. It was hard to remind himself of their situation and Matthew, for a moment, quietly lamented how generally unfair it was. But he supposed he couldn’t argue fate as he settled in one of the plush corners of the couch. He bit his lip lower lip, his fingers automatically reaching up to swipe at the corner of his mouth though nothing was there. An entire week….by any standards Matthew was doing fabulously with keeping it together. Honestly…he wasn’t sure how much longer he could take.

Ivan sighed as he flopped onto his chair, head tilted back and hands reaching out to pick up the book he’d been reading in the last week. He had an odd way of reading, where he slumped in his chair and propped the book on one of the arms, his hand holding the book open with his thumb down the center crease. It was obvious that usually his free hand would be occupied with something, but at the moment it was empty, so it traced patterns on his thigh or tapped out silent rhythms as he read the words with interest, his face set in an intent frown on what he was reading.

Tilting his head, Matthew watched Ivan curiously for a few moments, taking in the little movements and the way his eyes moved across the pages. He longed to know just what Ivan was reading about…was it scary like the movie? Or romantic…He almost laughed at that thought. Ivan…reading a romance novel. 

Shifting, he maneuvered his body onto the floor and reached out to grasp the same magazine he had taken the recipe from the other day. He plucked a pen up from the wooden table top before he slowly started turning pages and avoiding blocks of text in order to focus more on pictures. Some things he circled or starred, others he X’ed out and completely ignored, but no picture was spared from Matthew’s meticulous marking. It was steady and safe to do this, it kept his mind busy. 

When it was difficult to focus on anything else but the little bit of Q he still had hidden upstairs and the man not a few feet from him.


	4. Chapter 4

After an hour or so Ivan put down his book and stretched, closing his eyes and sighing as his body settled into a light rest. He looked softer, more welcoming when unconscious, and perhaps it was simply the fact that when he was awake he made an effort to remain relativley unapproachable. There was a natural set to his facial features that was gentler, kinder than most people, and in another life he might have been a very welcoming and easy to be around doctor. Despite his features being slightly exaggerated, he was still handsome in his own right, and even though he had a huskier middle it was obvious that most of his frame was made of muscle. It was almost strange that he spent his life relatively alone.

Feeling slightly thirsty, Matthew happened to raise his head to see just in time to see a particularly sweet intake of breath that moved in through Ivan’s parted lips as he napped. His eyes widened as he watched him longer and an unbridled frustration blossomed hard in his chest. It just…wasn’t fair. 

Ivan was sweet…not very talkative but that didn’t matter. He was kind and warm and damnit why didn’t Ivan treat him like everyone else did. It would make this…this situation a lot easier to handle if things were more normal. But that was just it, wasn’t it? Ivan wasn’t like anyone else. Was it because he was different, generally speaking, or was it because he felt he was better than people like Matthew?

Getting up, Matthew moved slowly closer to Ivan, his hand gently reaching out to touch his hair and cup his face. “You’re insufferable,” he whispered, his fingers shaking as that terrible, familiar burn inflamed his insides. He whimpered, pulling away and nearly bumping into the coffee table as he turned quickly to head upstairs. He’d had enough…and he just couldn’t pretend that it didn’t bother him anymore. 

Shakily he dug through his things until he pulled out the little tin he hid the drug in, before he licked the tip of his finger and dipped it inside. It was nearly gone, just this one dose of it left, and he gathered all that he could before he shakily spread the powder on the inside of his lower lip. He swallowed and his body shuddered as he leaned back to settle against the wall, eyes closed as he waited for the drug to take affect. 

It was not very startling when Matthew began to feel like his old self again; his limbs relaxed and his lips parted to bring in air because he was told he looked prettier with his lips parted. He giggled lightly into his hand as he pushed himself onto his hands and knees, crawling his way to the edge of the bed and hoisting himself up. It was too hot for regular clothes, and with light struggle he removed most of them, staying in just a tee shirt and little underwear as he moved out of the room and down the stairs.

He was going to show Ivan was he was missing, damnit. Ivan had been so mean….ignoring him, depriving him, keeping him out of the loop with his little business going on in the basement. How were they supposed to be in a fake relationship if Ivan was going to keep secrets from him like that? 

With a little pur, Matthew slowly sank to his knees in front of Ivan’s legs, a little pout spreading over his mouth as he whimpered and nuzzled his thigh. Why couldn’t Ivan touch him…want him and desire him like everyone else did? Was he not what he wanted? Was he not pretty enough? 

Shaking fingers moved up Ivan’s legs before they raked against his thighs, a pleased little hum leaving his mouth as he felt how defined the muscles were there. Ivan was so pretty and so handsome and Matthew just wanted to press against him in all the ways he could think of, but the man was too damn stubborn. 

With skilled fingers he worked at Ivan’s pant button and zipper, eyes half lidded as he sat up a little straighter, his eyes eager to see what his fingers were so desperately trying to get at.

Ivan jolted awake when cool air brushed against previously warm skin, his eyes opening and his throat clearing automatically as he looked around then down at Matthew. “The fuck?” He asked hazily, rubbing his eyes and trying to bat the blonde away. “Stop that.” He grumbled, moving to tuck himself back into his pants and stand.

With a loud whine, Matthew bat harshly at Ivan’s hands, his lips parted and drawing in breath almost desperately as he worked to pull him back out. “Please, baby…,” he mumbled, automatically giggling as he nuzzled Ivan’s thigh, “I’ll make you feel real good.”

Ivan groaned and tried to shove the blonde away as gently as he could. “You’re fucking riding, so no.”

“You..you..don’t have to touch me, it’s okay, I’ll touch myself,” he mumbled, his fingers holding desperately to the waistband of Ivan’s pants. “Please baby…please…? I’m begging,” he whined, moving up higher on his knees as he gave Ivan’s length a nice good stroke, a pleasured little hum leaving his mouth. “It’s so pretty~” he giggled, trailing a finger over the tip, before his tongue followed the same path.

Ivan choked and his hand tangled in blonde curls, his hips shaking as he pulled Matthew away. “Fucking stop it, alright?” The man growled, grunting at the grip the blonde had around him. “Get off me.”

“I bet..I bet I could swallow it whole…,” Matthew whimpered as he released the hold he had on Ivan’s length in order to weakly wrap his fingers around the man’s wrist. “You can pull my hair…you can say anything you want, it’ll be okay,” he hummed, his fingers extending to touch and stroke him again. “Ivan…please..?”

Ivan growled and grasped thin wrists, holding Matthew’s hands together as he pulled him away carefully. “No. Not while you’re riding a hit.” The older male stated firmly. “If I’m going to fuck you you’re going to be sober. I’m not going to be just another job.” The man carefully pushed the blonde onto the couch before he zipped up his pants and walked into the kitchen to grab some ice water, his breathing uneven and the ache of his groin persistent despite how much he hated it.

Matthew was silent for a moment before he curled himself on the couch cushions, eyes locked on the empty space across the room from him. “…you don’t like me very much do you?” he mumbled, his hands sliding to tuck between his thighs. “..you don’t talk to me very much. You won’t smile at me…,” he closed his eyes and laughed softly, his head shaking a little. “Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing something wrong…or if maybe…,” he bit his lip as he sat up, spying the fake glasses he had taken off earlier on the coffee table. Reaching for them he perched them on his nose, a little smile attempting to hold itself on his red mouth. “Is this…is this better?”

Ivan stared at Matthew before he sighed and placed the glass on the counter, walking into the living room and sitting beside Matthew on the couch. He reached up and gently pulled the glasses off. “I do like you. I just don’t talk or smile that much… You haven’t done anything wrong, Matvey.” The older male rested his elbows on his knees and sighed. “I don’t want to do anything to you when everything is scripted.”

“But,” Matthew started, looking at Ivan completely lost and almost hurt. He just…didn’t understand. This is what he was programmed, instructed, designed..hell..born to do. He didn’t know anything else. “I must…be…,” he trailed off, not exactly knowing what to say. He wanted to say “broken” or “backwards” or some other word that attempted to define how he felt. He was lost… “Then..then what am I supposed to say?”

Ivan sighed and pulled Matthew down to his chest, stroking blonde hair gently and smoothing his hands over thin arms. “Nothing that you don’t want to.” Ivan gently took Matthew’s hand, pressing their palms together gently and silently tangling their fingers. Ivan sighed and laid back on the couch, pulling Matthew until the blonde was settled with his back against Ivan’s chest, their bodies aligned so that Ivan could wrap his arm around the younger male’s waist. “You’re very attractive. And I’d have to be blind to not see it. But I don’t want to be just another knotch. I’ve been that enough times.”

“You don’t want to be me…?” he asked softly, eyebrows knit on his forehead as he tilted his head back to peer at Ivan’s face. Matthew searched his eyes, confused and trying to wrap his mind around exactly what Ivan was saying. “…it’s okay Ivan…it’s only a month, you know? I’ll be out of your hair…and hell…next time you need an alibi I know this really sweet brunette that doesn’t argue as much as I do…,” he mumbled, tilting his head away. He hated that even in the effects of Q, Matthew still couldn’t shake the feelings he was developing for Ivan. He was turning into those types of cases other prostitutes liked to warn each other about, and it honestly hurt. But there was nothing he could do.

“I like you, Matvey. I like having you around. I just don’t have sex with people riding.” Ivan shrugged and rested his cheek on Matthew’s temple. “Go to sleep, Matvey.” He murmured after a few minutes, sighing with his arms wrapped around the blonde and his head leaning against the couch arm.

Matthew wanted to ask him if he would be there if he woke up but he figured that was a stupid question. He bit his lip before he curled his legs up, knees bumping the back of the couch as he closed his eyes and tried to obey. He fell into a light sleep, his hands coiled close to Ivan’s in order to half attempt at keeping him there.


	5. Chapter 5

The second week wasn’t much easier. Ivan didn’t get much more open. He was still as quiet and stoic as ever, but he didn’t sneak around more often, didn’t find it necessary to hide his occupation. 

Though one night Matthew walked in on a sight he definitely wasn’t supposed to see. 

Ivan shoved open the kitchen door from the garage, the weight of the corpse causing him to stumble slightly as he carried the body down into his basement, setting him on a thick table already prepared for the process at hand. Once the body was strapped to the table, Ivan sighed and pulled out his extraction gun, walking up to the kitchen to pull on a pair of rubber gloves and listen at the doorway. Matthew couldn’t be heard, so Ivan simply shrugged and assumed the blonde had gone to sleep. Turning back to the basement, the older male left the door open as he walked down and prepped the needle of his gun, testing the trigger for kinks before he pried the mouth open and carefully broke the jaw of the victim, a large man with thick shoulders and blood red lips. 

“My apologies, sir.” Ivan murmured as he used a pair of hemostats to pull the man’s tongue out of his mouth with one hand, inserting the needle along the length and slowly pulling the trigger, milking blood and Q deposits from the flesh, draining it of color before he switched out the syringe and did the same to the lower lip, repeating the process of preparation before he froze and turned at the sound of footsteps on the stairwell.

Matthew had, to his misfortune, seen the entire thing. He had wandered downstairs, body itching and flushed and unable to sleep as he had paused in the darkness of the living room when he saw Ivan and what he was carrying. It wasn’t as if seeing a dead body was…scary, it as just the curiosity as to why the man had one in the first place.

Biting his bottom lip he had wandered forward, watching and listening from the open basement door, the smell hitting him square in the face. He couldn’t…he couldn’t believe that Ivan, a dealer in the very thing that he was addicted to, was using a body to mix with his product. He didn’t understand, and Matthew was unsure if he really wanted to…but his feet wouldn’t stop as he slowly moved down the stairs and paused, frozen and shocked on the bottom step.

“….Ivan?”

Ivan turned, finishing his task and detaching the syringe from the extraction gun, placing the three thick vials in a holder and turning to Matthew. “I thought you were asleep.” He murmured, frowning as he stood between the body and Matthew. “Go back to sleep, Matvey.”

“You…you make…your Q is from bodies?” he asked, already seeing what Ivan didn’t want him to. “I don’t understand,” he mumbled, fingers rubbing at his dry lips as he shook his head, eyes locked on Ivan’s face. 

“Where did you think Q was from?” Ivan asked curiously. “The kind you took, it’s not as refined, as it’s direct from a pill. But the thing is is that when you’ve been a junkie for long enough, the Q builds up in your mouth, compacts and becomes more potent. Like a cancer.” The older male gestured to the body. “Extracting Q from the dead and then refining it into a powder again gives you a more intense hit from a smaller amount… That’s why my Q sells better than any other in the state. Because it’s intense and more bang for your buck.”

Matthew’s fingers pressed to his mouth as he shook his head. He hadn’t ever experienced Ivan’s Q, he knew he hadn’t, because the stuff he had usually came from the house mother. She would make sure the occupants of her dormitory were properly supplied with Q that would keep them standing and moving and coherent enough to tell their clients whatever it was they wanted to hear. Matthew knew why he took the drug…but it was hard for him to imagine other reasons to want it.

“You don’t….you don’t think it’s wrong?” he asked, fingers leaving his mouth.

“I do.” Ivan stated simply. “I don’t see the point of having sex when you don’t want to feel it, experience it, enjoy it with your partner. I understand prostitutes, but other people?” The man sneered and shook his head. “They claw and whine and beg and barter for something that numbs them and I can’t understand why you would want to feel that way.” He gestured to the body. “He was already dead when I found him, overdose, so if you’re asking if I kill these people, the answer is no.”

“I didn’t ask that…I asked if you thought it was wrong…t-taking the..,” he gestured, swallowing hard as he clutched his fingers over his chest, “…taking from a dead person…” he mumbled, peering at Ivan. 

“No.” Ivan stated simply. “As long as they’re already dead, why would I care?”

“I guess you wouldn’t…you don’t care,” he breathed, biting his bottom lip. Matthew had to wonder, what if it was him? What if it was Matthew laying there, lips parted in a disturbing way; the way countless people told him he looked prettiest. It caused him to shudder and turn away, wishing he had never bothered to come down in the first place.

Ivan frowned. “You want a hit?” The older male walked over to the table, holding out a vial. “You want to feel numb? Fine. Here, take it.” He shoved the small four ounce container into Matthew’s hand. “You think I enjoy watching people destroy themselves? I don’t. But I supply because I could be doing this or something far worse.” Ivan scowled tightly an growled. “I don’t care because I have to be numb to other people. If I weren’t then I’d be a hell of a lot less efficient at my job.” The dealer grabbed Matthew’s face and tilted his head until their noses were bare inches from one another. “You of all people should understand that.”

Hissing softly, Matthew attempted to take a step back, his hands pushing forward to force the vial back in Ivan’s hands. “And you bitch at me because you don’t want to fuck me when I’m high on it…when you have to be numb to do your own job….you’re a funny man, Ivan Braginski,” he glared, trying to wriggle back out of his hold.

Ivan growled and grabbed Matthew’s wrist tightly. “Because I don’t want to be your fucking job, Williams.” The older male hissed, giving him a shake. “Because damnit I don’t want to be something you fuck and forget.”

“That’s all you fucking say… “I want I want”…have you ever stopped to wonder what I want?! Does anyone ever?!” Matthew cried, wringing his arm and pulling to get his wrist away. “You are a job. Everyone who talks to me, touches me, looks at me is a job. That’s what I am. I can’t help it, damnit. And then you come along with your self righteous bull shit..that you won’t touch me if I’m high on the one thing that I have to convince myself that fucking complete strangers just to stay alive feels good …maybe I want to forget you after this. Because all you’ve done…all you’ve done is confuse me and string me along on your little game. One minute you don’t talk to me..the next you’re holding me while I cry and treating me like I mean something…you’re a cruel fucking person…you’re just what I’ve always been warned about…the person that’ll make you fall in love with them and then leave you….”

Ivan stared at Matthew for a few seconds, watching tears flow down pale cheeks before he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around the blonde, tangling his fingers in soft curls and pulling the younger male until his head was tucked beneath Ivan’s chin. “I’m horrible at games.” He murmured softly after a few moments, holding Matthew was close as he could. “I’m always afraid I’ll lose.”

“How can you be afraid to lose when you’re playing with someone that’s never won?” Matthew asked, voice muffled and soft and on the verge of giving up as his fingers flexed before reaching up to coil his hands in the back of the man’s shirt. He was so tired…so tired of this addiction and this life and all of the masks that came with it. All Matthew wanted was someone to love, someone to love him…but he wasn’t a person that that sort of thing happened to. But Ivan was so kind…so sweet….if he could pretend just until the end of the month that this was real perhaps it would tide him over until he died.He was strangely okay with that.

Ivan tilted his head, pulling Matthew’s own face around to press their lips together, his hands gripping in the blonde’s shirt and pulling him close until he could hardly tell where their chests pressed together there was no space between them. His teeth bit and pulled at Matthew’s lips as he nuzzled and tugged, pouring every ounce of emotion that he couldn’t ever show into the kiss as he did so. “What do you want?” He asked. “Tell me what you want, please…”

“I don’t want to lie anymore,” Matthew breathed, voice watery and shaky as he gripped Ivan’s shirt tighter, eyes tilted up to peer at Ivan’s face. “…I’m tired of pretending…I’m tired of being scared of the fact that I can’t get you out of my head…and I…,” he shook his head, tilting his head down as he touched his forehead to Ivan’s shoulder. 

“You probably can’t even stand here and believe a word I say, can you?” Matthew asked with a closed mouth smile.

“I’d like to…” Ivan whispered. “It’s easier to believe you when you aren’t riding a hit.” The older male kissed along the pale throat, tender and careful as he cupped Matthew’s face and kissed him. “I don’t want you to think I only want you because it’s your job…” The older male whispered. “Tell me what you want, please… I just…” The older male pulled Matthew close. “You could ask for anything right now and I’d give it.”

Matthew was silent for a few moments, eyes scanning Ivan’s face. He tilted his face down and pressed the crown of his head to Ivan’s chest, his fingers moving to gently remove from their tight hold on the other male’s clothes. “…love. That’s all I want…,” he mumbled, a tight, almost painful smile spreading on his lips. “You always want…what you can’t have. Isn’t that right?”

“You can have me…” Ivan murmured softly, lips pressed to matthew’s temple as he pulled the smaller male closer once more. “It’s not much, but it’s all I can give… If that can prove anything.” The older male gave Matthew’s shoulder a small squeeze as he pulled back slowly. “I can’t give more than that.”

“It’s everything,” Matthew interjected, desperate to not let Ivan out of his hold. “You don’t have to give me anything…but..but you..I want,.” he swallowed hard, his eyes wandering up to Ivan’s face. “You…I want you.” And for once in his entire life he was completely sure of himself and slightly confident and anxious as he leaned into Ivan’s form, eyes closing as he held onto him.

Ivan grabbed Matthew’s knees and pulled the blonde up, letting thin legs wrap around his waist as he carried the smaller male from the basement and through the kitchen and living room to the stairs that led to the bedroom. He pushed the blonde onto the bed, pressing their mouths together firmly enough to bruise the red stained lips as he did so.

Matthew was familiar with this…with this setting. It was hard not to fall into routine, not to say things he’d normally purr into client’s ears as he kissed Ivan and wrapped his arms around his neck to pull him closer. 

Ivan dragged his teeth over Matthew’s jaw, pressing a kiss to the lobe of his ear before whispering softly, “I’m not babe, I’m not tiger, or honey, or sugar…” Ivan pressed his hand to Matthew’s groin, carefully tracing around the bulge of fabric being sure not to touch the most sensitive region on the blonde. “I’m just Ivan… Only call me my name…”

“I-Ivan,..” Matthew whimpered softly, his head tilting to the side so that he could better see the man’s face, his lips parted as he hesitated before continuing. “I’ve never…I’ve never done this…any of this without it,” he mumbled, knowing Ivan must have already figured that much out. But Matthew was scared and unsure….he didn’t know what to do without his masking and lies. 

Ivan nodded and gently released the blonde, pressing his mouth to the pale neck and stroking his knuckles over the thin sides and legs. “It’s alright.” He murmured softly. “Just relax, I’m going to take care of you.” He murmured, his hands dragging over Matthew’s stomach and chest before the older male pulled back and began to kiss over pale skin. 

Matthew nodded and let out a little breath, his shoulders relaxing as his hands moved up to thread into Ivan’s hair. “You’re sweet,” he breathed, a little smile ghosting its way across his mouth as he shifted his arms and legs to lock and curl around Ivan’s body. “I’ve always thought that…about you.”

“Hmmm. You’d be the first.” Ivan pressed his mouth to the soft flesh of Matthew’s neck and the firm bone of his collar as he moved down the soft frame. “It’s been a long time since I’ve done this.” The older male pressed his fingers to Matthew’s inner thighs, mouthing over soft flesh and carefully dragging his teeth over the firmer bone and softer flesh. “Though I have to say,” The man tilted his eyes to stare up at the bluer set. “I get most pleasure out of the pleasure of my partner.”

“I might be bad at it,” he breathed, his words hitching as he relished in the feel of Ivan’s teeth and lips. He wasn’t sure what Ivan wanted to hear…what he constituted as Matthew moaning in pleasure…but he just had to let himself be….loved, touched and wanted. It was harder than it sounded for someone like him. With a little whimper, he brushed his fingers up Ivan’s back, his short nails tracing along the contours of muscle and spine.

Ivan pressed his mouth to Matthew’s hip, tracing the cut of flesh and bone with his teeth as he stared up at the blonde. “Roll over, kooshka.” He ordered gently. “On your knees.” His fingers pressed softly to Matthew’s mouth, asking for entrance gently. 

That was an order Matthew could take, and it took a moment to stop the little purr of pet names and dirty noises that usually followed as he slowly turned and hoisted himself up onto his hands and knees. Eyes heavy, he closed them only to part his lips, tongue wet and willing, always willing to allow in exactly what wanted entrance no matter what it was. 

Suckling and running his tongue over the first digit, Matthew took his time, but realized it was all for show, really. Most clients and customers didn’t care so much for the idea that it was a safety concern and general kindness to do this for him, they only really wanted to watch his tongue slide on their fingers and feel how hot and open his mouth was for them and only them. At work, Matthew wanted them to watch him do this, to see how he took his time to give them everything they needed as a hint to be generous and gentle; but his own spit would usually be wiped against his cheek or smeared down his back in a strange display of dominance and belittling. 

In any matter, Matthew relaxed his jaw and bobbed his head slightly on the long fingers, his own hands coiling into the sheets to give him something to hold onto. 

Ivan was careful and waited until he felt certain his fingers were soaked enough. Pulling back, he replaced the digits with his own mouth, biting at a full lower lip before he carefully dipped his fingers inside Matthew, gently pushing them in and crooking them experimentally, hunting through the welcoming softness for that one bundle of nerves that he wanted.

Matthew liked when Ivan kissed him; it distracted him from the exploring fingers and convinced him that this was different, at least for the moment. He focused intently on Ivan’s mouth, his tongue and teeth nibbling against the man’s lips. Matthew whimpered and jerked, eyes widening when Ivan’s fingers brushed something inside of him that had him seeing stars. He pulled back, lips parted in shock as he peered at Ivan’s face.

Ivan smirked and dove in for another kiss, as if he was trying to crawl into the blonde through their mouths. His fingers thrust into the warmth and Ivan gently tortured the sensitive insides. “Has no one found this for you yet?” Ivan asked gently, pressing his fingers firmly against the bundle of nerves. “That’s the thing about Q, isn’t it? The sensations don’t feel real.” The fingers spread gently, tracing around the edges of the nerves as Ivan moved them in and out gently. 

Squirming and gasping, Matthew moaned loudly, his head tilting back as he reached down to grip at Ivan’s wrist. He wanted to tell Ivan that no one cared about his release, that him coming wasn’t exactly in the job description, and the Q simply made him forget, not make him feel. Matthew’s hips automatically thrust back against the invading fingers, his teeth coming to clamp down on his red lips as he ground closer to feel those fingers better. 

Ivan hummed as he drew his mouth over the blonde’s neck and collarbones, nipping gently at the skin and letting his fingers rub over the nerves before slowly pulling out before diving in with another fingers, three then four, feeling the warm clench before he removed his hand and dragged the fingers up along Matthew’s length, rubbing his thumb over the tip teasingly. “You look quite beautiful… Then again I’m sure you know it.”

Groaning, Matthew panted, his thighs and knees parting widely as he peered down at Ivan’s face. He gave the older male a look, trying to be angry, trying to be fed up and annoyed with his little comment but he just couldn’t. Ivan’s fingers felt wonderful and he didn’t want him to stop. He shook his head, his hands shaking as he reached for Ivan to tug him back, to press their chests together and kiss him again.

Ivan dove down for another kiss, lifting Matthew’s thighs and pulling the blonde until he could fit their hips together, thrusting into the blonde and groaning lowly as he ground against the younger male. “Better?” He asked as he angled his hips, searching for that bundle of nerves again. 

Eyes wide, Matthew held Ivan’s shoulders tightly, his lips parted as he breathed in shaky breaths. It all felt so different…so strange without the help of Q to put his mind in a different place. He was a trembling mess as he whimpered for Ivan to please slow down…to give him a minute to breathe and to realize that oh god he could feel everything. 

Ivan growled and thrust against the blonde a few times before he pulled back, leaning down to press his mouth where his hips had abandoned, biting and lapping at pale thighs that had become drenched in sweat, his fingers spreading the blonde open as he lavished attention on the pale skin, still aching to be inside the blonde but wanting to drag the torment out. Once satisfied with his taste of the blonde, Ivan shifted again, pressing his hips back to Matthew’s and resuming his motions, careful but firm and demanding all the same. 

Whimpering and squirming, Matthew wanted to beg Ivan to please turn him over, let him press his face into the bed and hide from the older male’s eyes. The way Ivan looked at him had his skin flushing and his chin tucking almost shyly as he bit his bottom lip and mewled behind his teeth. It was so much,…too much….but he didn’t want Ivan to stop. Matthew wanted Ivan to kiss him until they both ran out of breath and he couldn’t see straight and all he could taste and remember was Ivan. He wanted to remember everything he could about this client…this man that Matthew couldn’t stop thinking about for more than a second. It terrified him and oh..if only he’d just treat him like everyone else did then maybe he wouldn’t be so enamoured, but Ivan was different and Matthew both hated and loved it. 

Ivan pressed his body to Matthew’s, pulling the blonde upright before he laid on his own back, staring up at the young prostitute as he rubbed his length between thin thighs. “Take what you want.” Ivan murmured, pulling Matthew down for a kiss that was more teeth and tongue than lips. “I can feel you shaking, come on…” Ivan rubbed himself against the blonde’s entrance, his fingers reaching down to sink into the warmth for a moment. “This is what it’s like without the Q, this is what it feels like to want something, to burn for something.”

“I..I hate it,” Matthew whimpered, his body flush and warm and trembling as he peered down at Ivan’s face. “W-why would you….w-why would you do this to me?” the blonde breathed, his fingers moving back to curl around Ivan’s length and to bring him to his entrance. He mewled loudly when Ivan was buried inside of him once more and his hands reached down to clench on the other male’s hips. Matthew panted through his mouth, lips glossy as he swiveled and bounced to achieve the friction and the movement that he needed. Eyes screwed closed, the blonde cried out and whimpered Ivan’s name, his curls dark and damp as the brushed along his cheeks and shoulders. 

“Because pleasure, real pleasure, looks good on you.” Ivan growled as he grasped thin hips and helped lift Matthew, dragging the blonde up and down, closer and closer until he could kiss and cling and thrust into the blonde roughly. 

Eyes squeezing shut, Matthew cried out against Ivan’s mouth, his head shaking as he declared he couldn’t hold back any more. Ivan’s touches and kisses and movements were driving him crazy…making him dizzy as he sobbed and clung to the other male’s form tightly. The rough treatments, he was used to that..but he was not used to feeling it, to experiencing every single moment of having sex like this..it was startling and disturbing and he couldn’t say whether or not he liked or hated it. All he wanted was Ivan…and the man, for some reason, never felt more out of reach.

Ivan gathered Matthew close, reaching between their bodies and stroking Matthew gently, such a stark contrast to his rough motions, his mouth pressing soft kisses to the younger male’s as they moved.

Whimpering softly, Matthew pressed his face to Ivan’s neck, his arms slowly moving up to curl around the other male in a tight, almost desperate embrace. He didn’t want to let him go..he didn’t want this to just be some lesson learned. He wanted to stay with Ivan and have sex..make love to him all the time like this. It was stupid…it was an empty need and it was insanely hard in that moment for Matthew to accept that. With a little cry Matthew came, his back arching and his thighs clenching tightly around Ivan’s hips. He kept his face tucked against the other male’s neck, lips parted to bring in hot little breaths of air as he trembled and clung as hard as he could to Ivan’s body.

Ivan groaned, grasping hold of Matthew’s hips and keeping the younger male anchored to him. He murmured Matthew’s name, his accent thick and his voice low as he pressed gentle kisses to the pale temple. “There you go…” Ivan gently rocked his hips against Matthew’s. “There you go… Just let it all out.” The older male hummed as he felt new spasms inside the blonde. “You’re still coming?”

Letting out a little wail, Matthew pushed Ivan’s hands away from him and moved backwards, disconnecting their bodies as he curled onto the mattress. He couldn’t do this….he couldn’t keep it together and keep pretending anymore…it hurt so badly to be near Ivan at this point that even that Ivan could make him orgasm multiple times by just touching him was terrifying. Matthew’s body curled, hands tucked between his thighs as he pressed his face to the sheets and ordered Ivan not to touch him, damnit. He was tired of this…of this little game of what real love felt like. 

As far as Matthew was concerned, he didn’t like to see what he couldn’t have dangled in front of his face. It was cruel and mean and Matthew didn’t want to admit how badly it hurt.

Ivan crouched beside the blonde, staring at him intently as he took in the flush of his skin - a natural flush, not the overly red of Q - and the way his legs and body still spasmed and trembled with the sensations of real intimacy. It was… Heartbreaking. 

Ivan laid down beside the blonde, his arm open as he waited for Matthew to calm down. He leaned forward and pressed his nose to Matthew’s curls and sighed, waiting. 

“That was cruel of me.” He murmured. “I’m sorry… It won’t happen again.”

“I know it won’t.”

Drawing in little breaths, Matthew finally convinced his body to relax. He shifted, away from Ivan, to his side of the bed and pressed his face to his borrowed pillow as he gave the man his back. He was out of Q, out of reasons and absolutely terrified. He didn’t want to go on playing pretend as part of the Red, but Ivan…Ivan wouldn’t believe him if he turned around right now and said he loved him. Matthew knew that…and that is why he moved away and stayed away. 

He wasn’t sure if Ivan apologized to him or for him…about how pathetic he was acting because of experiencing sex for the first time, unbridled and awake. But it was all the same, wasn’t it? It didn’t matter if he felt it or didn’t, if he laughed and giggled through the whole thing or he flushed and begged and desired right back. It was all the same movements, the same goal in mind…and Matthew was just an alibi after all. In a few weeks he’d never see Ivan again and this entire moment, this embarrassing, raw, bare moment would be obsolete.


	6. Chapter 6

Ivan had noticed the twitch with a frown a couple of days later. He would reach over and push Matthew’s hand from his mouth, watching the blonde rub at his lower lip and drag his teeth over his tongue. 

“Stop that.” He murmured, pushing the pale hand from red lips. “You’re going to make yourself bleed.”

Glaring, Matthew smacked Ivan’s hand away, his fingers returning to his mouth as he rubbed and traced along his inner lip. His mouth itched oddly and ached, his gums so sore that he wanted to cry. Instead he stroked at his mouth, his body slowly starting to follow the example his mouth was leading. His limbs flushed in patches, little pink rashes everywhere that itched and drove Matthew crazy. He was constantly shifting, squirming, letting out frustrated noises as he curled in little balls and continuously rubbed at his mouth. 

It was sometimes difficult to breathe normally, at times his heart seemed to race and at others it seemed to slow down so much his chest barely moved when he took in air. Matthew’s stomach twisted and food was the furthest thing from his mind as he tried very desperately to sleep whatever the hell was going on off. He couldn’t walk straight, couldn’t think straight, his body ached and hurt and he was so tired, but nothing he did calmed down the symptoms that he didn’t understand.

The last thing he wanted was Ivan fussing at him.

“You’re burning up.” Ivan frowned, peering at the blonde as his cool hand pressed to the heated forehead. “Shit… You’re going into withdrawl.”

He knew the symptoms well enough, but he had never tended to someone actively going through withdrawl. By all accounts he shouldn’t have cared, but he was fond of the young prostitute, fond and careful and frustrated because he knew that for all his kindness Matthew was simply a liar. He wouldn’t buy into the lie and that was that.

But he wasn’t going to watch Matthew suffer.

Going down the hall Ivan started to fill the tub with cool water, gathering towels, water bottles and pulling a folded cot into the bathroom. He returned to the bedroom and began to strip Matthew of his clothes, gathering the naked blonde into his arms and walking back to the bathroom, carefully lowering the burning up body into the cool water.

Shrieking and thrashing, Matthew pushed against Ivan’s hands, his lips parted as he did his best to snarl at the man. He didn’t want to be touched, he didn’t want to be helped and oh god…the water was so cold and it was terrible and he didn’t want it. He splashed at the older male, his body twisting away against the tiles as far as he could go, little sobs and trembles racking his body. 

All Ivan had to do was leave him alone or give him some of the Q Matthew knew he had. But he wouldn’t do either and Matthew just wanted to tell him to stop giving a shit…to call Ivan a hypocrite for accusing him of lying. 

He couldn’t fight for very long and his body slumped against the curve of the tub, his limbs wracked with shakes as he drew in little breaths through his parted lips. Matthew whimpered to himself as he tugged at his lip and traced the tip of his finger on the inside, rubbing and prodding in the routine of putting on the drug. 

“Matthew, Matvey, stop.” Ivan murmured, reaching forward to grab at the pale hand. “You’re bleeding… You’ve rubbed the skin there raw.” The older male sighed as he found two washcloths and a pair of rubber bands in the counter drawers, wrapping the cloths around pale hands and securing them with rubber bands. “Just relax, just lay back and sleep, I’ll make sure you’re alright.”

Gathering his hands under his chin, a frustrated noise leaving his throat, Matthew shook his head as frustrated tears gathered in his eyes that he didn’t even seem to notice. “…w-why can’t you just leave me alone…?” the blonde murmured, teeth stained just a little bit red from the blood in his mouth. 

“Go away, Ivan….I don’t need your help.”

“You’re going into withdrawl, your body isn’t used to not having Q in it and it’s trying to remember what it’s supposed to be like without it.” Ivan sighed, stroking his fingers through Matthew’s hair gently. “You’re going to start hallucinating and vomitting, your fever is only going to get worse… And if I gave you Q now it would only send your body into an advanced stage of shock.” The older male sighed as he leaned against the bath tub, resting his cheek on his arm. “I’m not leaving you to go through that alone.”

Matthew let out a frustrated noise, his head knocking back against the side of the tub as he grit his teeth. Ivan wasn’t making this any easier, any less uncomfortable. He was quiet for a long while, eyes half lidded as he stared at the ceiling and shivered until his body was used to the temperature of the water. He whimpered in his throat when his abdomen started clenching and spasming, his mouth watering as he sat up quickly and covered his mouth. Matthew curled over the side of the tub, reaching for the waste basket to throw up into. His body didn’t stop until he was spitting up nothing, and even still dry heaves racked his form. Matthew pressed his forehead to the side of the tub and sobbed, his fingernails digging into his forearms as he looked at Ivan pleadingly. 

“Why do you give a shit…? Why? I’d rather you be laughing at me and telling me ‘I told you so’ instead of sitting there pretending you care.”

“Unlike you, I don’t pretend in private.” Ivan stated simply. “I care because I think that you don’t want to be a whore the rest of your life. I care because I think that there’s more to you… And you have yet to prove otherwise.”

“Y-you…y-you don’t know anything,” Matthew whimpered, shoving away and standing up with the strength he could muster. His legs wobbled almost dangerously, like a baby deer, as he stepped over the side of the tub and reached for a towel. “…I am a whore Ivan…that is what I was born to be. I don’t have another choice. And you just don’t get that,” the blonde growled, feeling defeated and empty and weak. He stumbled into the bedroom, reaching for what clothes of his he could find, groaning softly as he had to pause to gain his balance. 

He wasn’t going to stay here…he didn’t care about the money or the job. But he couldn’t be around Ivan anymore…it was too much.

Pulling on a shirt and a pair of shorts, Matthew gathered what he could of his things and moved towards the door. He ached so badly and all he wanted, what he truly wanted, was to curl up against Ivan, feel him breathe, listen to him speak…anything. He wanted to be held and loved…that thought only made him angrier.

He stumbled blindly down the beginning of the steps and almost made it to the bottom before he lost his footing and slid down the rest of the way. Curling up at the bottom, Matthew sobbed softly into his knees, feeling so pathetic and sore and tired. 

Ivan sighed and gathered up Matthew in his arms, stroking his fingers over the soft hair and holding him close, feeling the bruises from the fall and sighing as he gently lifted Matthew into his arms. “You’re too hot.” Ivan sighed, pushing damp curls from the sweaty face. “Come on, let’s get you back in the tub.”

The older male carried Matthew upstairs again, carefully tugging his clothes off and putting him back into the tub. “Come here.” The older male sighed, picking up Matthew’s foot and kneading at the flesh there, working his way up the thin leg gently. “Just relax.”

“Get off…get off of me,” Matthew mumbled, trying to kick Ivan’s hand away. He bit down on his lip as he curled away from him and gave the man his back, his thin arms secured around his own torso. He couldn’t do this…he couldn’t bare to be next to Ivan like this…

And Ivan accused him of being a liar…

If he had to hear that one more time, Matthew wasn’t sure what he’d do. But he was tired of it…tired of it all. “I don’t want to be here anymore, Ivan….just leave me alone.”

“You can’t go out on your own.” Ivan sighed. “You can barely walk.” He pressed at the tense muscles of the blonde’s back as he spoke. “Once you’ve made it through this I’ll take you back. I’ll give you what I can for Q… Pay you and you can forget about me.” Ivan sighed and stroked at soft curls. “You need to rest, to at least try to get over this before you leave… I don’t know what would happen to you if you left in this condition.”

Matthew sighed around a hopeless smile as he shook his head. “I would die…why do you think I want to leave?” The blonde had had enough. Ivan was just like everyone else…he didn’t believe him..wouldn’t even give him a chance. And this faux concern…he was as good of a liar as any prostitute. 

“Damnit, Matthew!” Ivan shouted sharply, the first time he had ever raised his voice to the blonde. “I don’t want you to die! I don’t want you sick! I just want you here… I want you to stay with me! You’re…” Ivan sighed. “You’re a comfort to me… I… I actually like coming home to you…” The older male rubbed his eyes and rested his head on the edge of the tub. “I’m a lonely old man, Matthew… And coming home to you is one of the best things that has happened to me for as long as you’ve been here.” Ivan ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “I just want you… I want you here… But if you hate me so much then I’ll let you go… But I won’t let you go to die.”

Matthew didn’t move for a moment..for a long while. He shivered and shook and gathered his strength before sitting up and turning to face the other male. “…would you believe me…if I told you right now…that I loved you? Would you look me in the face and believe every word I said….without an ounce of doubt….? Would you?” the blonde’s voice shook and trembled and a part of him wanted to mentally prepare himself for the worst…but he already knew Ivan’s answer without the man having to say a thing. 

Ivan stroked soft hair and leaned forward to kiss the pale shoulder. “I would… Because I want that so desperately.”

Matthew whimpered and shook his head. “You’re lying….you don’t believe anything I say! I’m a whore…I’m a liar! You said so yourself…..” Trembling, Matthew curled back into a ball in the cold water, his body tired and sore.

“Not everyone lies… And I want to believe you… I want to give you a chance…” The older male stroked his fingers over Matthew’s back before he sighed. “Why bring it up if it was a lie?”

“Everyone has a reason to lie..,” Matthew breathed, his body shifting closer, if just a little to the edge of tub Ivan was against. He was so tired….everything ached and all he wanted to do was sleep until he forgot how to wake up. Matthew’s eyes drooped as he curled against the side of the tub and let out a tiny uncomfortable sound, his hands balling under his chin. 

Ivan sighed and rested his arm over the edge of the tub, his palm pressed to the pale stomach to hold the blonde close. “Maybe… But not all the time… And even in lies… There’s always a little bit of truth.” The older male pressed a kiss to Matthew’s temple. “Go to sleep, Matvey… I’ll take care of you.”

Whimpering softly, Matthew carefully pressed his hand to Ivan’s as his knees curled upwards. He was tired of arguing about this…talking about this. He wasn’t sure if Ivan was leading him on or truly believed him…but he was too beside himself to think about it any longer. Eyes closing, he fell into a light sleep, muscles twitching every few moments as he tried to ignore it and continue to rest.

—

The next two days were hell. 

Ivan would pull Matthew out of the tub when he was cold, and then place him back inside when his fever spiked. The blonde would heave and vomit about an hour after he ate something, but he wouldn’t eat more than one or two bites of saltines. He would touch and hold Matthew as much as the blonde needed, and on the second day had even climbed into the tub with Matthew in order to more comfortably cuddle him. 

“Your fever has gone down.” Ivan murmured gently, pressing his lips to the pale forehead of the blonde. “You should be feeling much better tomorrow.”

Head lolled against Ivan’s shoulder, Matthew opened his eyes a little to peer at the other male’s face. He breathed slowly through his mouth, eyes unfocused as he shifted just slightly closer to him. “Ivan….?” Matthew started, voice small and scratchy as he closed his eyes and smiled a little. “…if I would have died…would you..would you have used my lips?”

Ivan was silent for a moment. “No.” He murmured gently. “I wouldn’t… I couldn’t…” The man gently stroked Matthew’s temple. “I wouldn’t have been able to convince myself to do it.” The thought actually terrified him, that Matthew would have been a body he could have picked up on the street or found in the morgue.

Matthew swallowed as he let out a breathy sigh, lips quirking into a tiny smile as he nodded a bit. “I see….I wouldn’t…I wouldn’t have minded, you know..” he mumbled, eyes closing as he curled as close as he could to Ivan.

“I wouldn’t be able to.” Ivan murmured. “I wouldn’t want to.” He stroked soft hair and pulled Matthew closer. “Don’t think about it, Matvey… You aren’t going to die, not yet and not on my watch.”

Matthew let out a shuddering sigh as he gave the older man a tired smile. “You don’t know…how long I’ve dreamed of hearing someone say that to me,” he mumbled, eyes opening to peer up at the older male. 

Ivan kissed Matthew gently, stroking at blonde curls. “I want you here… Please stay… Forever…” The older male pressed his forehead’s to Matthew’s “I… I need you for my sanity now.”

“Ivan…Ivan I,…” he mumbled, eyes widening and as alert as he could manage them to be. “If I…if I stayed…I’d never earn money again…I’d…I’d force you to take care of me,” he breathed, eyes searching Ivan’s for any trace of joking or lie. 

“I’d do so gladly.” Ivan murmured with a small smile. “I would… I’d take care of you, Matvey… I’d do anything…”

Matthew was quiet for a moment, eyes closing as he simply clung to Ivan and breathed. Prostitutes rarely if ever heard that someone wanted to love them…let alone take care of them and provide for them for the rest of their lives. Matthew couldn’t have asked for anything better…this was freedom and a chance to be happy. Eyes watering, Matthew peered up at Ivan and gave him a tired smile, but he craned his neck upwards to kiss him softly. “Alright…alright Ivan..I’ll stay..” 

Ivan smiled and wrapped his arms around Matthew even more tightly. “I love you.” He murmured, kissing the blonde and pressing their foreheads together. “I’ll take care of you.”

“I love….I love you, too Ivan,” Matthew murmured, eyes drooping as he gave the older male a small smile. He truly hoped the man believed him…Matthew’s life was going to change dramatically and it was all thanks to Ivan’s faith in him.


	7. Chapter 7

It was a Sunday when Matthew felt well enough to leave. 

He essentially belonged to Francis, to the Club, and to leave legally, Matthew had to inform the man of his decision. Of course, Francis could be a saint and allow him off the hook, wave his debt that he owed, but then again he couldn’t. Matthew didn’t want to risk upsetting Ivan by telling him that last bit. 

So early in the morning with gray skies blocking out the cool morning light, Matthew wrote Ivan a note in the prettiest way he could, promising he’d be back soon, that he just had to tie up his life with Francis before he could legally come with Ivan. 

It felt wonderful writing the attempt at cursive “I love you” at the bottom of the page before he left it beside Ivan’s side of the bed. The blonde bent and kissed Ivan’s cheek and forehead and smoothed his fingers through his hair, promising against his temple that he’d be back as soon as he could. 

Matthew didn’t even bring his clothes, just simply grabbed a jacket and hurried back towards the Red District. It was early, but that didn’t mean the Club wasn’t crawling with people, drinking, smoking, having a quickie in the back. 

Francis however wasn’t anywhere to be seen, which meant the blonde man was in his office, a place Matthew had only been a handful of times since first being brought to the Satine Rouge. It smelled strongly of perfume and Q outside of the club owner’s door, and the blonde carefully knocked before entering. 

The club owner was behind his desk, a cigarette in his hand and a green silky robe around his body and nothing else, as he wrote at something with elegant concentration. “Yes?” he breathed after a puff of smoke and Matthew carefully lowered himself into a red velvet seat in front of the desk.

“I…wish to forfeit my contract.”

Francis paused and looked up, eyebrows knit in general concern as he peered at Matthew. “…but why? Matthew, if it’s your debt, chaton, you know all you have to do is do me a few favors and I’ll take care of it..”

The younger blonde shook his head, his fingers folded delicately against his thin knees. “I….I want to stay with him…with my alibi. He loves me…and I love him…he’s going to take care of me Francis.”

The club owner was quiet for a moment before chuckling softly, a hand cradling his cheek as he peered across the desk at the younger blonde. “Matthew…don’t be silly. You’re a whore….I’m surprised he even believes a word you say. I trained you well and no one this side of the Red is a better liar than I am.Don’t be ridiculous and throw away your career for a false pipe dream.”

Matthew’s eyes hardened and he bit his lower lip before he shook his head. “Francis…I’m going to do it…I’m leaving the Red and I’m going to live with Ivan…All I wanted was to leave as peacefully as I can..that’s why I had the decency to come back.”

Francis was silent for a long moment before he hummed and leaned back in his seat. “Finish out the week. And don’t you dare tell anyone that you’re leaving or else I’ll have customers clawing at me to keep you on. You tell anyone and the ending of your contract turns void.” The blonde man turned his eyes back to the letter he had been writing. “Go get dressed for a performance, talk with Toris, he’ll tell you what is being performed.”

Matthew smiled and nodded his head, figuring that was better than what it could’ve been before he quietly thanked Francis and left to cross over to the dormitories. Toris was wide awake when the blonde entered the room and he smiled softly at the brunette who stared at him surprised.

“I thought you had another two weeks?” The brunette asked as he finished pulling on his stockings, snapping a garter about his thigh before he walked over and hugged the blonde. “What happened?”

“I…well..I love him..and he loves me..he wants me to stay with him,” Matthew smiled, eyes clear and smile bright for what felt like the first time in his life. “Francis is letting me go after a week when my contract is up,” the blonde breathed, hugging his friend. He figured it’d be alright to tell Toris…the brunette didn’t have anyone or any reason to tell. 

Toris’ eyes became worried but he smiled. “That’s wonderful Matthew… But… Isn’t he a dealer? You know what they’re like… They just… They only care about one thing and that’s making a profit…”

“No…he’s…he’s different, Toris..he’s kind and wonderful and loving…he wants to love me and I want to love him, too..,” Matthew smiled, not missing the worried look in the brunette’s eyes. “He took care of me…and…I want to spend the rest of my life with him,” Matthew shrugged up his shoulders with a happy smile on his face before releasing Toris. “So…what’s this new performance?” 

Toris smiled uncertainly but nodded and hugged his friend before he rummaged to get the outfit that Matthew would be wearing. “It’s called Lovely Ladies, so we’re going to have to dress up a bit more.”

—

Ivan dragged his fingers through his hair, the letter that Matthew had written him still clutched in his hand. It was simple, only stating that the younger male would be going back to the Satine Rouge, signed with an “I Love You” and Matthew’s name. Nothing else, nothing to reassure Ivan that the blonde would come back, nothing but a goodbye and the blonde disappearing in the night. 

It was a day before Ivan got the nerve to go to the club, directed to a seat right beside the stage as he slid a wadded bill into the breast pocket of the host. He leaned back in his chair and he attempted to keep his face neutral as he watched the current act, waiting for the next one and scanning for Matthew throughout the entire building. 

Matthew…didn’t particularly enjoy the new number. Because he was late being added to the group, he was initially placed in the back and told walk the perimeter of the stage, collecting bills and tucking them away to distribute to the dancers later. Tonight, though, one of the main dancers had been sick on too much Q in her system, so the blonde was put off to the left in the front, and instructed to utilize whatever he wanted to see more of those bills flashing. 

The blonde had refused to take anymore Q, determined to stay clean for Ivan…he could enjoy the older male more with eyes wide open instead of hazed with fake lust. So he simply concentrated on the music, danced, let men touch at his thighs, his ass, anything they wanted as he plucked at money and stuck them into the front of his costume.

Ivan watched Matthew moved, knowing full well the unspoken language of this club. He watched dancers filter and flicker around the stage and to tables if called over. When Matthew arrived on stage with the other dancers of the performance the holder male met the blonde’s blue eyes and held up a small wad of bills, waiting for the blonde to come over. It made him irrationally angry to see others touching the blonde, their fingers and hands greedy and possessive, trying to wrap around the thin wrists or getting a grip on the soft thighs and waist of the blonde.

Matthew hadn’t seen Ivan at first, his eyes flickering across the hands raised with money, his eyes widening at the wad of bills being held up. The blonde put on his best seductive face and tilted his head to smile sweetly at the patron, but his fingers paused in reaching when he realized who it was. “…Ivan?” the blonde mumbled, so shocked he took a step back and bumped into a redhead that was dancing behind him.

Ivan stood and leaned forward, tucking the bills into the front of Matthew’s costume, his nose inches from the blonde’s and his brows furrowed together in hurt. “Why did you leave? Please, just tell me why…” He whispered, only to have Matthew pulled back into the movements of the performance, the dealer slowly seating himself as he watched the flock of beautiful faces and costumes. 

Matthew twisted his head, eyes wide as he peered at Ivan’s face and tried to express his apologies. He loved Ivan…and he had never intended the man to actually come to the Club. He had just wanted to work to the end of his contract and go, put this life of skin tight costumes, stranger’s wandering hands and nights of endless, pointless sex behind him. Matthew wanted to be with Ivan…but this is the only way he could legally do it.

The little performance came to an end with brightly painted faces and wide smiles flirting with the crowd. Matthew slid off of the stage, the wad of bills he had collected being passed into Francis’ waiting hands as he wove through the crowd of patrons and dancers, searching for Ivan. He had to attempt to get him to go…to understand without saying anything.

Ivan grasped Matthew’s wrist as the blonde almost passed him by, standing from his seat and tugging the blonde through the establishment, throwing money at the host who gave him a key to one of the rooms, the dealer not looking back at Matthew as he dragged the smaller male into the room and shoved him inside, slamming the door shut behind him. “You just left?!” The older male shouted. “I thought you were going to stay! I thought you wanted to stay with me!”

The hurt couldn’t be kept from his tone or his face as he stared at the blonde. “I want to be with you… And you just… You just left in the middle of the night?” The older male searched the younger male’s face. “What? Was it a lie? Was everything just another pretty lie? Another level to a goddamn act?”

“Ivan…you said you believed me…,” Matthew mumbled, eyes wide and eyebrows knit as he stared at Ivan’s face. He wanted to hold the older male until the hurt disappeared from his eyes, he wanted to explain himself..everything..give Ivan reassurance and comfort. “…I left you a note…I…I didn’t want you to be upset…it’s…it’s only for a little while..to get my affairs in order and I was coming back…I…I want to be with you, Ivan…,” the blonde pleaded, desperate to explain as much as he could without saying it all. “You said you believed me…that I wasn’t lying….you said..”

“I did believe you.” Ivan rubbed his face. “I did believe you. And damnit I wanted that more than anything…” The older male stared down at Matthew and the hurt was still there, the anger still making his jaw tremble. “You just… You just left… You said you were going back…” The older male’s jaw tensed and he looked away. “How do I know that you even planned on coming back… You just left in the night… You didn’t bother to explain…” Ivan glared at the blonde and stepped forward. “Is this what you want? Is this where you want to spend the rest of your life?” Were he a more violent man he might have struck Matthew, but he simply grasped the blonde’s upper arms and shook him lightly. “I love you, I don’t even know what to do with myself I love you so much. And you just ran. I don’t know what to think of that. I don’t know whether whatever you said was all just a pretty lie.” The older male’s grip tightened. “What. Do you want me to treat you like a common whore? Why else would you come back here and not even tell me why you left?”

“Because I couldn’t! Ivan….you’d try and stop me…and…and I needed to do this…I needed to finish things here before I came to you…I told you…I love you, damnit…I left…I left you a note,” the blonde mumbled, a frustrated frown on his face. He didn’t know how to make Ivan understand. “You shouldn’t have come here…you should’ve stayed away…you have no business being here! I…I told you I would come back Ivan…that I love you…what more do I need to say? Are you even believing a word of it?!”

“That’s the thing about me, isn’t it.” Ivan scowled. “I’d believe anything.” His voice cracked slightly and his grip loosened as his hands slid to the blonde’s elbows. There was a long silence before the older male released the blonde. “Turn around.” He ordered, already grasping the thin waist to force Matthew to show him his back. 

“It’s…it’s in here…,” the blonde mumbled reaching into the front of his costume to pull out the wad of bills Ivan had placed there when he was still on the stage. “Is this what you’re looking for?” Matthew asked softly, holding the bills over his shoulder as he stared at the floor and the dingy, falling apart bed about a foot away from him.

“Keep it.” Ivan growled, lifting Matthew’s shirt and pulling out his phone, scanning the barcode at the base of Matthew’s spine, waiting for the confirmation code before he scanned it again. “If you’re going to stay here… No one else is going to touch you.” And again. He scanned the code eight times before he was satisfied that no one would be having the blonde until opening hours the next day. Ivan was silent for a moment, staring at the back of the blonde’s head, at the soft curls before he grasped Matthew and turned the blonde to face him, pulling a rough kiss from the younger male’s lips before he pulled back and turned. 

“I’ll be back.” He murmured before he left, closing the door behind him without bothering to look at the blonde, the hurt still clear in his voice and shoulders and face as he left. 

Matthew waited about a two minutes before he realized that this wasn’t worth doing things the legally. Biting his bottom lip, Matthew reached for the door handle and tugged the door open. “Ivan? Ivan…wait..,” the blonde called, panic clenching his throat as he pushed through the crowd, eyes wide and searching for the taller male. Matthew managed to make it out the front door, head whipping to look up and down the street in search of Ivan. He couldn’t remember which way to go..but he had to find him…he had to come clean and apologize to Ivan and tell him how much Matthew loved him

Awkwardly, Matthew ran, ignoring the heels that clipped loudly on the sidewalk, his lips parted as puffs of breath ghosted along his cheeks as he headed towards what he thought was the outskirts of the Red District, towards Skid Row. But the buildings got darker, the lights dimmer, and the blonde realized a little too late that he was terribly lost in the worst part of the Red District he could’ve wandered into. 

But…maybe it was better this way. Ivan had scanned his barcode at least ten times…that was a lot of money by Francis’ standards…he couldn’t have Ivan spending that money on him because he wouldn’t listen and stay away. The blonde paused, an arm wrapped around his waist as he leaned against a light pole and brushed at his cheeks. 

“Lost, luv?” A blonde man in a dark blue peacoat and bright green eyes peered at Matthew, smoking a cigarette as his eyes swept over long legs and the blonde’s get up. “A bit far from the Red, isn’t it?” The boy looked strikingly familiar and it took the man a moment to place it. He had the same curls and the same face of a certain Frenchman. The man smirked and covered the expression with the hand bearing the cigarette, taking a long drag as he contemplated the blonde’s frame. “It’s getting dark.” The man murmured. “I can give you a place for the night if you can give me a little something.” The man circled around the blonde. “Others might not be so charitable.”

“What is it that you’re after?” Matthew asked as he straightened off of the light pole and peered at the blonde man, an automatic flirty smile passing over his lips. Unfortunately, the stranger was right. It was getting dark, and cold, and really, Matthew had no idea where he was and it wasn’t like he could call Ivan for help…not like the man would even listen to him. 

The older male smiled and walked around the blonde. “Just a little companionship… A sweet face and an open pair of legs.” The man wrapped his arm around Matthew’s waist, pulling him close and smirking. “Call me Arthur.”

“I’d give you my name…but then again you can call me whatever you want,” Matthew hummed, the words he usually said so easily sounding more empty than ever. “But, my name is Matthew,” he mumbled, forcing that same flirtious little smile onto his face.

“It’s alright, luv.” The man gave a falsely understanding smile, walking the blonde to a back alley apartment complex, walking into the bottom floor apartments and pulling a familiar plastic vial of red. “Care for a taste?” The man asked with a smirk. “It’s a real kicker.” The vial was dangled in front of the blonde’s face. “It’ll have you on a completely different planet.”

Matthew’s breath hitched as he peered at the little vial. He swallowed hard and a hand automatically came up to swipe at his bottom lip. “No….no thank you..,” the blonde finally breathed as he slowly shook his head. He wanted to stay clean…he wanted to try..for Ivan.

“You sure? You’re not going to want to be thinking or feeling with what I have planned.” Arthur uncapped the vial and held it out again, letting wet chalk scent, always strangely too sweet beneath it all, waft over to the blonde. “A little taste just to take the edge off?”

“N-no…no I..I really don’t want any,” the blonde trembled, taking a little step back. The smell was over powering, it made his body tremble and his muscles clench all at once as he slowly shook his head. “I can’t..”

Arthur frowned and slapped Matthew’s cheek, leaving a bright red mark. “Open your mouth.” He ordered with a growl. “Or so help me I’ll drill a metal brace in there to keep it open.”

“Jesus..,” Matthew breathed, a hand cupping his cheek as he glared at the other blonde male. “Forget your stupid ass hospitality….I’m not staying here with you,” the blonde spat, taking a step back and going for the door. He’d rather freeze then deal with this jerk.

Arthur grabbed the blonde by his long hair, dragging him back and jamming his thumb into the smaller male’s mouth. “Open your fucking mouth…” The older male shoved Matthew to the floor and wrestled with him for a moment before he managed to pry Matthew’s lips apart and spread half of the vial into his lower lip, waiting for a moment before he released the blonde. “Ungrateful little wrench.” He growled, shaking Matthew’s head by his grip on his curls. 

Matthew sucked in a breath then spat on the floor, his body struggling as he clawed at the hands in his hair. He only a had a few moments until the Q would kick in, and he was going to fuss until he couldn’t anymore. “Let go of me you fucking nut case,” Matthew growled, his breaths becoming slightly more ragged as he shoved to get Arthur away from him. 

“Stop fighting me, Francis!” Arthur snarled, not realizing his slip up as he shook the blonde and shoved him to the couch. “Stop fighting me and let me take care of you.” The older male growled, leaning down and watching as the fight slowly faded from Matthew’s limbs. “There we go…”

Matthew shifted as best he could to press his face against the cushions at the back of the couch, eyes half lidded and hazy. He frowned as best he could and mumbled a less than vicious “get off of me”as he glared softly in the other male’s direction. His body was so hot and his breathing was slightly heavy and strained, the taste in his mouth different than anything else he’d ever had before. 

Arthur hummed as he watched the blonde before he tugged at the smaller male’s clothing, unbuckling his own belt and pulling his coat off as he lifted thin legs over his arms. It was so easy to imagine the soft face with Francis’s stubble and eyes, with his confident smirk even when he was riding out a hit. Eventually the dealer snarled and came inside Matthew, Francis’ name on his lips as he shook and moaned before pulling away and lifting the blonde, tossing his shuddering form into the alleyway before slamming the door shut. 

If he was still there in the morning maybe Arthur could slip in another round before he left to walk his beat.

The first thing Matthew did was kick off his shoes; the heels were too high and he already felt like he was going to collapse at any second. His head was swimming, his vision blurry as his heart hammered in his chest loudly. He felt as though his ribs were rattling as he braced a hand against the alley wall.

It was cold and dark, and Matthew’s body couldn’t stop shivering. There were a few bins of trash, some still upright that the blonde settled in between to hide, a little cry escaping his mouth as he settled onto the concrete, the pressure in his lower back making him hiss. His mouth felt like it was burning, red he assumed to be Q dribbling down his chin as he curled in on himself on the ground. 

He didn’t know what to do…he couldn’t see straight, couldn’t walk right, couldn’t even breathe. Matthew had no idea where he was and there was no way to get a hold of Ivan or Francis. This was it, he assumed, as he shifted into a ball with his knees against his chest. The sky had been gray for two days and snow was not far off. His chest ached with more than just the strange dose of Q as he only thought that if he died, he never did get to apologize to Ivan…he never got to explain himself. 

Maybe Ivan would keep the letter with the poorly written I love you on it, and maybe he wouldn’t, Matthew couldn’t find it in himself to be upset about it either way. At least he had loved Ivan while he did…at least he had known that someone had wanted him for more than just a night and that was worth everything. 

Shifting, Matthew peered at a box that was right in front of his nose, clippings of newspapers and magazines dangling out of it. Right in front of his face was a water ruined print of a little house, framed in flowers and full of butterflies and sunlight. The blonde smiled and brushed his fingertips over the image, his shaky fingers gripping the page to his chest. 

—

Ivan’s anger had faded to panic when he had left Francis’ office, discovering that Matthew had been missing the entire night without anyone knowing where he had gone. He cursed himself, cursed his anger and his hurt and fear and the fact that he had left. The fact that he had doubted Matthew even for a second, even when everything in him had screamed to believe him. He spent the entire morning searching the path between his home and the Red District, and then he had turned back and gone further into Skid Row, checking every alley way and every back door until he was almost certain that Matthew had been taken into some place. 

It wasn’t until he saw a familiar set of little red heels beside a trash can that his pounding heart had stopped in sheer terror. 

He climbed out of his car, not bothering to remove the keys or lock it, sliding into the filth of the alley and finding Matthew, red staining his mouth and chin and throat, eyes closed and small body horribly still save for small shivers that wracked his frame every so often. 

“Matthew, Matthew, oh god…” The older male stroked blonde curls covered in filth away from Matthew’s face and lifted his torso carefully, cupping his cheek. “Matvey… Matvey, wake up!”

He would never be able to forgive himself if Matthew died. Not now. Not like this. Not when Ivan himself could have prevented it if he hadn’t been such a stubborn bastard. Straightening, Ivan carried Matthew to his car, placing the blonde in the back seat with an emergency blanket, wrapping his thin frame and turning up the heat in the car, making sure to tuck thin limbs inside the blanket before he slammed the door closed and climbed into the front seat. 

The thirty minute ride home felt like an eternity and when Ivan carried Matthew upstairs and place him in the bathtub Ivan’s heart finally started to beat again. The older male carefully stripped Matthew’s frame of his costume, pausing when he noticed something clutched in the blonde’s hands. He paused before he gently pried the page from a magazine from soft fingers, the image of a bright and cheerful home greeting Ivan’s eyes. 

Tears rolled down his cheeks and Ivan cupped Matthew’s face, pressing his forehead to the unconscious blonde’s as he turned on the water and placed the paper aside. “I have you, Matthew… I’m going to take care of you… I promise…”

Matthew’s eyes fluttered open halfway through the bath, his vision so blurry and his chest clenching. He let out a shuddering breath and tilted his head towards the figure he could make out that was crouched beside him. Instantly, Matthew was shaking his head, hands uncurling as he shakily held them up out of the water defensively. “I didn’t…take any….I’m…I’m clean,” the blonde mumbled, head swimming as he sucked in shaky breaths.

Ivan felt his heart break a little bit at the sudden motions of the blonde, the fearful hunch of his back. The older male reached out and gently stroked his fingers through soft curls, shushing him gently. “Matthew… Matthew, I’m not mad at you… But you took something… I know you did… And I need to know what it is, who gave it to you.” The older male dipped his arm, shirt and all, into the tub to gently wrap around Matthew’s torso, tilting the damp head until Matthew was leaning against the tub and Ivan’s shoulder, the older male’s lips pressed to the younger’s skull. “I’m not mad, Matthew. I’m just worried… Please… Tell me what you took…”

It was so hard to breathe, not matter how he was moved, Matthew’s chest ached terribly and all he wanted to do was slip under the water and hold his breath until he fell asleep. It’d be so much easier that way. 

The blonde shook his head as shaky hands still lifted to defend himself from invisible hands, his eyes half lidded as he tilted his face towards what he thought to be a stranger. “…tell…I wish…Ivan was…was here..,” Matthew smiled, lips parting as he shook his head and closed his eyes. “…tell him…that I…that I love him? Do…you think…he’ll believe me?” the blonde mumbled, more of the red from the Q dribbling still out of his mouth.

Ivan sobbed softly as he held Matthew close, pressing his lips to the blonde’s temple. “I’m so sorry… I’m sorry, Matthew… I’m so sorry I doubted you…” His face buried in soft curls and Ivan did his best to hold the limp form of his love upright. “I love you… I love you so much…” He pressed a kiss to Matthew’s forehead, even though the blonde wasn’t even on earth any longer. He was somewhere else, somewhere hazy and thick and Ivan had no way of pulling him back to reality. 

Ivan did his best to finish cleaning Matthew, carrying him downstairs and placing him on a pile of blankets and pillows and couch cushions on the floor, making sure to wrap him in blankets to keep warm as he went back upstairs to go through the blonde’s clothing, trying to find anything that he could use to figure out who had given Matthew the Q. 

A small half-emptied vial clinked out onto the floor and Ivan frowned at it before he picked it up, shaking the Q inside as he went downstairs. 

It wasn’t the right color to be just Q… It was too dark, meaning it had to have been mixed with something else. Going into the kitchen Ivan found a small scalpel he had left out, unscrewing the lid of the vial and carefully beginning to scrape away the small inner seal of plastic, lifting the item to the light to get a better look. When that didn’t work he dumped whatever was left of the Q inside the lid and then tapped it out, watching the particles catch on the grooves and holes that the inner seal had hidden. 

A miniscule A with an arrow going through it could be seen and Ivan felt his heart plummet. 

Arthur had given Matthew some of his HeartBreak.


	8. Chapter 8

Ivan had set up enough medical textbooks that hadn’t been opened in decades around Matthew’s small nest that they could probably be used to make a bedframe. He had spent the entire night tearing them from shelves and unpacking them from boxes hidden in his basement that he wasn’t even sure what he was looking at anymore as each book blended with the other. 

He had found a couple of pages here and there about performing blood transfusions, blood flushes, and he knew he had enough equipment to pump blood out of a body, he just needed the equipment to pump blood back in without killing Matthew. 

The thought of taking Matthew to a hospital insinuated itself into his mind every so often, but he knew what they would do. Nothing. Matthew was a prostitute. And as such medical personel wouldn’t even bother trying to waste their supplies on him, not when there were “respectable” members of society lining up and slipping bribes to them. 

After the third day Ivan had the supplies to set up an IV drip to help flush Matthew’s system, praying to whatever gods may be that it worked. It would take a while, a couple days, but Ivan had all the time in the world. 

And so, after finally managing to get the needle into Matthew’s vein and tape it down with medical tape, the older male curled up with Matthew in the nest, stroking his soft curls and whispering gently against his temple, nonsense and stories and nursery rhymes and anything else he could think of as he eventually slept beside the blonde.

It was hours after Ivan had fallen asleep, the man clearly exhausted, did Matthew finally stir. His eyes fluttered open and the light from outside made him flinch and tilt his head to the side where he spotted a pile of familiar looking magazines. They were piled in the exact same way Matthew had left them…and the sight of them nearly brought him to tears.

He must be in heaven…he must be dreaming, anything. Matthew believed there was no way Ivan could’ve possibly found him. The blonde tilted his head the other way, his nose brushing against soft hair and pale skin that made Matthew’s breath hitch and his eyes sting. 

There he was…his precious, beloved Ivan, looking exhausted but beautiful, his eyes closed with his dark lashes brushing at his pale cheeks. Matthew had never seen something so wonderful, so beautiful in his entire life, but all at once he could feel Ivan’s arms strong and steady around him, his breathing deep and even and constant. 

Matthew’s body ached and he couldn’t even find the strength to shift onto his side, but he did manage to move the arm still tacked with an IV up ever so slightly so he could place a hand over the older male’s. 

Ivan had found him, had kept him safe and warm and the blonde had never experienced anyone wanting to take care of him so much as this man next to him seemed to want to do. His head shifted so he could press a cool kiss to Ivan’s forehead, gentle and loving and with as much love as Matthew could muster. 

Ivan didn’t wake for another few hours, prying his eyes open and smiling down at the blonde as he stroked his fingers through soft curls. “Morning.” He murmured softly. “You’ve been asleep for almost four days…” The older male tilted his head and kissed Matthew’s temple gently. “Don’t move too much, your body is still flushing the Q.”

“Ivan….,” Matthew breathed, his eyes watching every move the older male made. He could watch Ivan for hours if he had been given the chance to. “Ivan…I…I didn’t take it….I rejected him…I…I told him no,” the blonde mumbled, like a child pleading its case against a broken vase. 

Ivan gently shushed Matthew, stroking his head and pressing kisses to flushed red lips. “It doesn’t matter, Matthew… You’re safe now.” The older male sighed and pressed his forehead to Matthew’s. “However it got in you… The man who gave it to you was Arthur. He’s a dealer that mixes his Q with doses of some mystery drug that’s pure poison. Some dealers will mix Q with LSD or Heroine or even Crystal Meth to get it to both stretch and to get a harder hit… Arthur poisons his clients… A full hit would have made your heart stop after the first day.”

Matthew licked his lower lip, eyes closing as he recalled to Ivan exactly what happened. “I had…told him no…I wanted to…to stay clean….he forced it into my mouth…called me Francis,” Matthew slowly shook his head and peered at the older male. “He…he told me I could have shelter for the night…then threw me out when he was done…I…thought I’d never see you again, Ivan..”

Ivan listened and when Matthew had finished he sighed. “You aren’t the only ones discouraged from falling in love… Your Madame? Francis? Back when he was still walking the streets Arthur fell in love with him… He promised Francis so much even though he would beat Francis daily because of that temper of his… Francis left him, became a Madame, and broke Arthur’s heart in his leaving… Arthur created that drug almost in a petty version of revenge… He named it HeartBreak.” Ivan sighed and nuzzled Matthew’s hair. “He knows that Francis’ workers take in Q like they do air… It’s his way of getting back at him for leaving.”

Matthew was silent for a long while, eyes trained on the shadows crossing the ceiling from the flicker of curtains covering nearby windows. He had known Francis all of his life, well…as far back as he could remember, really. None of the workers that lived at the Satine Rouge were Francis’ relatives, but most were simply children assigned to his club. They knew him as a flirtatious, seductive, creature that commanded the space he entered by one flick of his hair or the smirk on his face. He was ethereal and terrifying…but still had the nerve to look both concerned and loving over your well being. Francis was someone that higher ups in the Red District feared because he controlled so many and most owed him powerful favors for his hand in helping seal business deals with the use of his pretty little workers.

Francis didn’t coddle them or kiss their boo boo’s or read them bedtime stories; he didn’t have to, that wasn’t his job, his coding. But still, the workers that lived at the Rouge as they called it, felt like they knew Francis enough to say that though his words and actions spelled romance, his intentions never did. 

But despite that, one couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps someone like Francis got lonely. It was comforting to tell yourself that no, Francis never felt that human pine for another, to make yourself feel better about not ever getting to experience that sort of real want. But at the end of the day, Francis was human, too, well…as human as what could be expected, and Matthew found it only slightly difficult to swallow the idea that perhaps once he was in love. 

He was in love with someone that had hurt him and he had left…and became something that people like them could only aspire to be. Matthew couldn’t think of Francis as anything but human despite his seemingly lack of emotion and feelings, because beneath it all was someone else well hidden. 

Matthew sighed softly, lungs rattling ever so slightly before he closed his eyes. How could he blame Arthur then? Who wouldn’t have fallen in love with someone like Francis who at times couldn’t even be seen as real? His heartbreak drug was an ode to that. But even still….Matthew wondered lamely if Francis ever did truly love Arthur back?

Or perhaps it was all just a part of their well hidden game, their way of life full of lies and masks and false affections. 

“It seems like drug dealers are suckers for prostitutes.” Ivan gave a wry smile as he stroked soft strands of blonde curls from Matthew’s face. “But can you blame us?”

“Yes,” Matthew sighed softly, eyes closing as he reached up a hand to gently tangle the tips of their fingertips together. “…if you drug dealers stayed out of clubs maybe us prostitutes would stand a chance…how can you not fall in love with someone who so easily can sell everything we crave?” Matthew tilted his head to peer at Ivan’s face, lips upturned ever so slightly in a small smile. “You sell death, we sell love. What fits more perfectly together than that?”

Ivan gave a soft smile before he pressed his forehead to Matthew’s, gentle and sweet before he pulled a long kiss from Matthew’s lips. “Stay with me… Please don’t leave me…” The older male stroked his fingers through Matthew’s hair, cupping the back of his head. “I can’t… I can’t live without you now that I’ve tasted you…”

Tilting his head from Ivan’s ever so slightly, Matthew peered at the older males face before sighing quietly. “Ivan…this is your chance to run, you know?” the blonde murmured, his head shaking as his eyes tilted towards the ceiling. “…I can’t help support us…shit, Ivan..I can’t even read…,” Matthew laughed quietly, stifled. “I’m a weight around your neck if you want me to stay…”

“But a comfortable one.” Ivan pressed his lips to Matthew’s gently, his forehead moving to rest against the blonde’s jaw as he whispered softly. “I just want to have you with me, Matthew… I can’t stand to think that someone else will have their hands on you…”

“I don’t want anyone else to have you, Ivan…but…I can’t allow myself to do that to you easily, you know?” Matthew sighed softly, his head tilting to press a kiss to Ivan’s forehead. “…God I love you…and you’re terrible for making it so easy to want to damn you to taking care of me..”

Ivan pressed his lips to Matthew’s, pulling a long, soft kiss from full lips. It wasn’t rough or demanding like previous kisses but the slow burning passion beneath it was still there. The older male moved his hand to pull Matthew close, sliding over the smooth waist before he pulled back gently. “I love you… So much… And if you want to help… I’ll help you help me… I can get you a job, I know I can, I can… Please, just stay.”

Matthew shifted to press his forehead to Ivan’s, their noses bumping gently and sweetly as he sighed and kissed him again just for good measure. “…Stay? Ivan…I have no where else to go…but with you is where I want to stay,” the blonde mumbled, his fingers weakly curling and clinging to Ivan’s. “I want to stay.”

Ivan pulled Matthew’s arms until the blonde’s thin limbs could wrap around his own neck, leaning down to kiss him, his own hands framing the soft cheeks and curls, holding Matthew in the kiss until both of them were gasping for breath, the older male tangling his fingers still in long curls. “I love you…” He murmured, feeling his chest positively ache as he pressed his forehead to Matthew’s. “You’re beautiful.”

“Is that why?” Matthew asked softly, his voice barely above a whisper as he brushed the tip of his nose to Ivan’s and shifted his hands shakily to trace along the back of the older males neck. “…is that why you love me, Ivan? Because…you know what? I wouldn’t care if it was…,” Matthew sighed, tracing his lips against Ivan’s, sweet and soft, “…either way you’d still love me. And that’s more than enough.”

“I love you more because you’re you. Because you were scared of horror movies but you loved a children’s film. Because you couldn’t read the magazines but you circled pictures you liked. Because you have bite and fire and I just want to hold that all close.” The older male smiled and pressed his lips to Matthew’s. “You being beautiful is a pleasant bonus.”

“Ivan…,” Matthew murmured, eyebrows knit as his throat clenched and his fingers tangled tighter in the strands at the back of Ivan’s head. He didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t sound stupid..not like words were easy to form with how his throat was clenching and the way his eyes were starting to sting. Leaning forward, Matthew pressed kisses to Ivan’s mouth, mumbling Ivan’s name and I love you’s over and over again because he couldn’t think of anything else to say. His embarrassment over the horror movies and meticulous magazine circling was all but forgotten because Ivan clearly didn’t mind it…someone clearly didn’t mind him for who he was down to the smallest, meaningless part. “…you’re perfect…and beautiful…and don’t you dare say you aren’t…I’ll kick your ass or something if you do,” the blonde mumbled into the curve of Ivan’s cheek, his eyelashes wet as he pressed his body as close and as tight as he could manage to Ivan’s. 

Ivan accepted the kisses, returning them and the I love you’s as he did so. The blonde was held close and despite the various wires and tubes Ivan had attached it was easy for them to get cuddled up together. Ivan lazily pressed kisses along the curve of jaw and neck as he wrapped his arms around the blonde and sighed. “I love you.” He murmured, smiling at Matthew, exhausted from the days of stress and relieved that Matthew was still with him, as his now and only his.

“I love you, too,” Matthew murmured, his head tucked in the hollow of Ivan’s neck, his eyes drooping as he held tight to pale limbs to ensure Ivan stayed close. He didn’t want to risk waking up and feeling like this was a dream, a horrible, beautiful dream of something that wasn’t real. Matthew wanted to always have Ivan this close, this perfectly pressed against him, even long after he had memorized every single dip, curve and line of the older males body.


	9. Chapter 9: Finale

“Come on, Alfred, you owe me.” Ivan hissed as he glared down at the shop manager. Matthew was waiting outside in the main shop. 

“No, I am not giving one of your Q whores a job.” Ivan rolled his eyes at Alfred. 

“This is the first and only time I’ll ask you for a favour like this. Besides, I do not have Q whores out my sleeves like some dealers.” The man ran a hand through his hair before he growled. “I’ll give you a pint of Q. Free.”

Alfred’s eyes flared at he stared at Ivan for a long moment before he nodded. “Deal.” Walking out of the office the manager of the small clothing boutique gave Matthew a slap on the shoulder and smiled. “Welcome to the workforce, doll.”

“Matthew,” the blonde sighed and rolled his eyes, his eyes darting to Ivan who followed the manager out of the back room. Judging by what he had said, things went well and he had a job to help Ivan.

Matthew smiled and after kissing Ivan goodbye, teamed up with Alfred to try and find something in the shop that he’d be good at. The register was the first and most obvious place to put him, but when finding the correct buttons fast enough and accurately all at the same time proved difficult for Matthew, Alfred had decided to move him to placing out new merchandise and stylizing mannequins. 

Taking clothes on and off and making things look pretty was something Matthew could do.

After the first day Ivan returned to pick up Matthew, smiling at the new merchandise put out and the neatly folded items on the displays. He waited for a few minutes before gathering up Matthew and leading the blonde out of the shop and to the car, wrapping his arm snuggly around the thin shoulders. 

“Do you think we can make this work?” He asked with a smile, pressing a soft kiss to Matthew’s lips.

Matthew was quiet as he walked with Ivan to the car, hips swaying as natural as breathing, as he curled his arm behind the older male’s waist and slid his hand into a tight fitting back pocket. Working in a real life place where there was no one coming in for sex was scary and odd; he wasn’t brought up to do this but he was determined.

If it meant he could be with Ivan and feel the best about it, Matthew would’ve done just about anything. 

Smiling up at Ivan, something real and bright, Matthew leaned up to place a kiss on the taller man’s mouth. The answer was simple; he didn’t even have to think about it.

“Yeah, we’ll make it work.”

By the time they got home it was already dark, Ivan smiling as he pulled Matthew into his arms once they were in the foyer. His arms wrapped tightly around the smaller and he lifted Matthew so that he could press a long, slow kiss to his mouth. 

“So are you now my wife?” Ivan asked with a teasing grin against full lips. “To have and to hold til death do us part?”

“Doesn’t that usually require flowers and diamonds and overly wordy prayers?” Matthew asked softly, his lips brushing against Ivan’s mouth with every word. He didn’t care about any of that; he never really had a reason to. 

But even now, with a reason, Matthew still didn’t care. In his mind, he was with Ivan until death did they part, no diamonds, no flowers, no stuffy outfits required.

“Only if you wanted to.” Ivan smiled and mouthed at Matthew’s lips, nibbling at the red stained flesh gently before he gave a firmer bite, his knee pressed between slim thighs so that his leg could rub against the sensitive area between. “I could drape you with diamonds if you wanted, for you to show off at work.” Ivan murmured as he nipped along soft jaw and throat. “Give you a beautiful wedding to remember.”

“I don’t care about showing off,” Matthew murmured, his legs wrapping around Ivan’s waist as his arms curled around the man’s neck, his lips pressing to return the eager kisses and nips. “…I don’t care about weddings or fancy titles…all I care about is you,” the blonde touched their foreheads together, his fingers running through silvery hair. “Just you, Ivan.”

“I love you.” Ivan murmured. “I want to spoil you endlessly, you know that?” The older male stroked his fingers through soft curls, gentle and soothing before he pulled Matthew close for a long kiss. “I love you so much.”

“You already do…,” Matthew smiled, pressed his lips to the man’s forehead. “…I have all of this,” the blonde ran his hands up and down Ivan’s back, a little laugh bubbling from his mouth, “…to myself.”

Ivan smiled as he chuckled against Matthew’s jaw, his fingers smoothing over Matthew’s own form before sliding back up to remove the thin shirt that Matthew had donned earlier. “That’s not much to have, you know.” Ivan murmured softly. “But if it makes you happy you can keep me for as long as you like.” 

“Don’t be stupid,” Matthew grinned, his lips nibbling at the curve of Ivan’s ear. “It’s more than enough to have…it’s everything I didn’t even know I needed,” the blonde murmured, his lips pressing to every inch of the man’s face. “You make me so happy, damnit…I’m planning on keeping you forever.”

Ivan smiled as he gently pulled a soft kiss from Matthew’s lips. “I love you so much… I don’t think I could handle losing you again.” The older male stroked his fingers through Matthew’s hair, nuzzling at his jaw and neck to breathe in the heady scent of the blonde. “You make me happy, too.”

“You never lost me, Ivan,” Matthew smiled, a fingertip trailing down Ivan’s nose, his lips following sweetly. “And I don’t want you to,” the blonde purred, his lips pressing gently to Ivan’s to pull a sweet kiss that turned deeper, loving and breathless.

Ivan wrapped his arms around Matthew more tightly, shifting one hand to gently lift the smaller male by a grip on his rear and carrying him up the stairs, only pulling back from the kiss when he had to fumble open the door to his bedroom - their bedroom now.

Ivan grinned and gently tossed Matthew onto the bed, moving to crouch over the thin frame and pull shorts off, tossing them to the bed before he lifted a long leg to press nibbles and kisses to the tender flesh. 

Laughing softly, Matthew brushed his toes to the back of Ivan’s neck, his hands sliding down his own chest, pelvis and thighs as he reached between his legs to tug the older male closer to him by his belt loops. “You aren’t allowed to stay out of my reach, Ivan,” the blonde teased, his head tilting so he could peer up at Ivan’s face.

Ivan chuckled and lowered Matthew’s legs so that they would wrap around his own waist, his fingers working his own belt open before his pants followed and he could grind against Matthew, the smaller male’s underwear the only thing left in place that separated their skin.

Purring happily, Matthew tugged Ivan down so he could brush their chests together, his fingers lightly clawing at the taller male’s shirt so he could tug it over his head. He smiled, smoothing at ruffled silvery hair, even as his hips arched up to grind against Ivan’s.

Ivan moaned softly as he rolled his hips forward and tilted until his shoulder hit the bedding, tugging Matthew over onto his hips and laying back on the bed with a smile. “I’m right under your nose now. What do you plan to do with me?”

“That all depends,” Matthew purred, a finger trailing down Ivan’s nose as he leaned forward, a curl sliding against against his shoulder. “…are we talking about now…or in the long run?” The blonde rose a playful eyebrow as he dipped his head to press a kiss to Ivan’s chest.

“Mm, now first, long run later.” Ivan murmured, his fingers wrapped around Matthew’s hips firmly. His hips rolled upwards into Matthew’s, roughly pressing in the sensitive area between thin thighs. 

Humming, Matthew pressed a kiss to Ivan’s mouth as he tugged at the older male’s fingers to curl his own in them. The blonde pressed the back of Ivan’s hands to the bed beside his ears before raising an eyebrow playfully. “I plan to do whatever it is that’ll have you putty in my hands, Ivan…I want to make you feel as good as you make me feel,” Matthew purred, his hips rotating fluidly to brush their groins together.

Ivan purred at the feelings that bolted up his spine, his fingers tightening around Matthew’s. His hips rocked against Matthew’s gently as he sighed and curled close, feeling the softness of Matthew’s thighs against his own. “You’re doing a good job, I’ll have you know.”

“Ivan…,that’s just it,” Matthew purred, his thighs parting as he rubbed against Ivan’s groin, “…I want to know everything that’ll make you see stars,”he blonde hummed, his head tilting down to press kisses and little nips to Ivan’s pale neck.

Ivan groaned lowly, his fingers wrapped around the back of Matthew’s neck to hold the blonde close. “I get the feeling that you already know and are just teasing me now.” The older male managed hoarsely, his fingers tangling gently in soft curls while Ivan arched his hips upwards against Matthew’s. 

“Or maybe I’m just being cruel and I want to hear you say it,” the blonde smirked, his tongue and mouth trailing wet kisses across the older male’s collar. His fingers brushed down Ivan’s sides, his eyes tilting up to peer at Ivan’s face as he nipped gently at pale skin.

“Fuck, Matthew.” Ivan hissed as his fingers tightened and his hips bucked up into Matthew’s hips. The older male growled against the soft flesh of Matthew’s neck, the older male wanting to feel every inch of heat from the blonde. His hand worked free from Matthew’s and reached down to slide into the back of Matthew’s underwear, groping at the warm flesh as his hips rolled forward.

“I can do that,” Matthew purred playfully, his lips trailing kisses back up to Ivan’s lips as he ground his hips. A hand reached back to brush on Ivan’s length, a pleased humm leaving his mouth as he nuzzled against the older male’s neck.

Ivan felt his length throb against Matthew’s hand, the barely there pressure of fingers causing the man to buck his hips as a groan escaped him. “Matthew.” Ivan growled, his hand pushing Matthew’s hips down against his length, the fabric of their underwear a maddening barrier as he rolled his hips back and forth against Matthew’s. 

“Yes?” the blonde breathed, little mewls leaving his mouth as he moved his hand light and slow, teasing Ivan as mercilessly as he could manage. He moaned softly at feeling Ivan’s length against him, his head tossing back as he ground his hips against the older male’s movements. 

Ivan growled and rolled until Matthew was pinned beneath him, the older male baring his teeth against Matthew’s throat. “I want you. Now. Until you ache and can only think of me all day tomorrow at work.”

Matthew shuddered and curled his arms around Ivan’s neck, his hands sliding into silvery hair where he tugged gently. “What are you waiting for?” the blonde purred, his tongue and lips trailing teasingly along the curve of Ivan’s ear. “Because…I’ve been aching for you all day, Ivan…I want tomorrow to be even worse.”

Ivan growled and purred as he thrust against Matthew, getting the blonde’s legs spread just a bit wider before he fumbled over at the dresser for a bottle of lubricant, barely managing to get the bottle open and slick himself up before he pressed his lips to Matthew’s. His length slid easily inside Matthew, a shudder working it’s way up his spine at the sudden tight heat. “Alfred is going to wonder just what I did to you by the time I’m done with you.” Ivan murmured with a growl against Matthew’s throat, his hips snapping forward with a sharp motion.

Crying out, Matthew arched his back, his nails scraping pink lines up and down Ivan’s back. “I don’t want him to wonder,” the blonde moaned, his teeth biting down on his lower lip, “I want him to just know,” Matthew slid his hands underneath his knees to pull back his thighs wider.

Ivan growled, thrusting roughly into Matthew, pulling one leg up against his shoulder so that he could kiss the side of Matthew’s knee, pushing the other leg further open so that Matthew was settled in his lap and he could roll his hips against Matthew’s in a punishing pace. 

Matthew’s eyes widened and for a moment, the blonde could only hold on to Ivan’s forearms, his lips parted to draw in little breaths as he writhed and moaned. His curls stuck to his cheeks as his little moans turned to desperate sobs, Ivan’s name a whimpering mantra as a hand slid down to curl around his own length.

Ivan pushed Matthew’s hands away gently, growling as he moved in and out of the blonde, feeling the clench and arch of the smaller body as he moved. The older male could hardly contain himself as he pushed as deeply as he could into the smaller male. His hand wrapped around Matthew’s and Ivan growled, staying the movement’s of the slim hand. “What do you want?”

Wailing, Matthew arched his hips and writhed, attempting to dislodge Ivan’s hand from his own. “Please,” the blonde murmured, face red and eyes dark, his lips wet as he panted and sobbed and cried out for the older male. “…Ivan…I…I’m s-so hot…Ivan…I need to…please,” the blonde mumbled, his words running together as his insides clenched tightly around the older male’s length.

“You need what? I can’t give it to you if you don’t specify what you want.” Ivan asked with a purring growl, his grip tightened around Matthew, the older male not ceasing in the rough motions inside the blonde that was coaxing his orgasm out.

Whimpering, Matthew arched his back his skin flush and damp as he peered up at Ivan’s face. “I want to come, Ivan…please…please,” the blonde wailed and sobbed, his hips trembling as he attempted to get even closer to the older male.

Ivan gave another squeeze to the blonde’s length, sliding his palm over the hot flesh repeatedly, feeling the tremble of body and speeding up gradually. “Come, then.” The older male murmured, smiling as he watched Matthew, his own body clenching roughly as he moved.

Crying out, Matthew shuddered hard as he came, his breath leaving him as he gripped the sheets beside his head. His back arched off the mattress, his eyes locked on Ivan’s face, his own red and his eyes wet. “Ivan…,” the blonde whimpered, his insides clenched even tighter around the older male.

Ivan moaned as he slowed so as not to hurt the blonde, his hands planted on either side of Matthew’s chest, his motions continuing as he leaned forward to kiss at Matthew’s leaking eyes, growling as he waited for Matthew to come down from his high. Ivan purred and sighed as he rolled Matthew onto his hands and knees. “I’m not done with you yet, little one.” Ivan murmured as he nipped at Matthew’s throat and shoulder, his hips rolling back and forth once more, rough and smooth. 

“Ivan…,” Matthew mewled around a little sigh, feeling content and wonderful as he moaned at Ivan’s hips rolling into his. Purring, the blonde spread his thighs wider and pressed his cheek to the sheets, his head tilted to peer back at the older male’s face. “Keep…keep going…”

Ivan growled and planted one hand over Matthew’s shoulder, his free hand pulling Matthew’s hips close while his knees fitted between Matthew’s to balance himself. The older male ground against Matthew briefly before he continued his motions, feeling his own body starting to shudder and clench tighter with the desire to come, his teeth bared as he stared down at Matthew and arched closer and closer to the blonde. It didn’t take much longer for Ivan to come, the older male grunting as he thrust his hips against Matthew roughly. 

Whimpering and crying out, Matthew pressed back against Ivan, his fingers curling in the sheets as he tilted his head back to peer at the older male. His head tossed back a little, curls brushing his shoulders, as Matthew whimpered Ivan’s name and ground his hips, slow and tight to milk Ivan for all he was worth. “…Ivan..,” the blonde murmured, as he sat up a little on his knees, his head turning in order to pull a long kiss from the older male.

Ivan moaned and sighed against Matthew’s lips, pulling out from the blonde slowly as he continued to kiss and lavish attention on the smaller male’s lips, his fingers sliding between the thin thighs to rub through the mess of come between soft thighs. “I love you, Matthew.” The older male murmured softly. “My beautiful, gorgeous Matthew.”

Shuddering, Matthew curled his arms around Ivan’s neck, his lips pressing to his ear and temple. “I love you too, Ivan,” the blonde flushed softly, his damp forehead pressing to Ivan’s. “Quit…quit saying things like that, you’ll give me a big ego,” he smiled, brushing their noses together sweetly.

“I enjoy giving you a big ego.” Ivan teased gently as he rolled their bodies until they could lay on their backs, Matthew sprawled over Ivan’s chest as the man sighed and stroked his fingers through soft curls. “I do hope you realize that I am not nearly done with you.”

“I don’t want you to be,” Matthew smiled, his face nuzzling against Ivan’s neck as his hands idly traced nonsense patterns on pale skin. He lifted his head up from Ivan’s shoulder and shifted to plant kisses along the man’s forehead, nose, eyes and jaw. “I don’t want you to ever be done with me.”

“I promise you I won’t.” Ivan murmured softly. “I’m addicted to you now. I’ll just need to keep coming back for a fix.” 

“Just a fix?” Matthew asked with a little smile, his head tilting so his chin was on Ivan’s chest and he could peer at Ivan’s face through his eyelashes. “Don’t tell me your lips are going to turn red next,” the blonde hummed, a finger raising to swipe over Ivan’s lower lip.

“Only from kissing you so often.” Ivan murmured as he gently pressed his fingers to Matthew’s and smiling at the smaller male gently. “I love you.”

Matthew smiled softly, his fingers lacing with Ivan’s as he leaned forward to press a gentle kiss to the man’s pale forehead, the tip of his nose, then down to his lips. “I love you, too, Ivan.”It felt incredible to say that and to see that love returned in every one of Ivan’s touches and kisses and that look all over his face. “I love you so much.”

“I’ll love you for all my life.” The older male murmured against Matthew’s curls. “Until the day I day and longer.” Ivan sighed against Matthew’s neck gently. “You’re so precious to me.”

“You saved my life…in more ways than one..,” Matthew mumbled, his fingers brushing over Ivan’s bangs. “You’re the only one I’ve ever truly loved…and the only one I ever will,” the blonde smiled, his lips pressing to Ivan’s cheek. 

Ivan smiled down at Matthew as he stroked his fingers through soft curls, tilting his head for a long, slow kiss. 

This was what he had been missing, what he had wanted and yearned for and craved for every day of his life. Looking back it felt stupid that he had not found Matthew sooner. He was entirely consumed by the blonde and there was no cure for it at all.


End file.
